Paying Tribute To A Hero
by theearth
Summary: The story takes place after HBP. But Dumbledore is NOT dead. Everything is a scheme. Hermione becomes an unwanted ally for Severus. Both are confused when feelings arise.
1. Chapter 1

Do you really want to read another boring disclaimer? Okay! Everything you recognise belongs to J.K. Rowling. Clumsy expressions belong to me, because I am German.

Thanks to my two betas: Droxy and Samantha-Kathy. Confusing as it is sometimes, there are advantages. If there are mistakes, I can blame them, and as an author I get the praise. Nah, I'm mean. Okay, let's get realistic. My English lacks finesse, and I take the blame, because I refused to accept expressions and changes which would not have been my style. But a great thank you nevertheless for your great work. hugs, kisses

Chapter 1

Hermione entered her office._My office! Normally I would have been glad, no, happy, to have my own office. Normally I would have been happy to teach Potions. Normally…_ But nothing was normal now.

After Albus Dumbledore's death, hell had broken loose. Anxious parents had hurried to remove their children from Hogwarts, claiming that it was not safe, and had sent their children to Beauxbatons instead. The Ministry had announced they would close the school. Only after Minerva McGonagall's intervention, they had revoked their decision, and the majority of the students had returned. Of course all the Death Eaters' children had failed to appear, though Hermione had no doubt they would come out of their holes after the dust had settled. The Potions master had resigned, she called it running away, not that anybody would have expected anything else. Professor Slughorn did not want to put his precious life at stake at such a dangerous school.

And, of course, Professor Snape's position as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher was vacant now. Hermione Granger had never really i liked /i Professor Snape, who would? She had, however, always respected and trusted him. So it was not so abnormal that she felt insulted on a personal level by his treason. She had been the one who had told her friends numerous times that Professor Snape's behaviour had nothing to do with his being a trusted member of the Order. He had always been menacing, sneering and unfair, but she had thought that at least part of it had been in order to deceive Voldemort. She had even defended him at Order meetings. Her instinct still refused to believe that he was a traitor, but her logic told her that there was no doubt. She had always relied on facts, had she not? How could she believe anything else now?

Tears welled from Hermione's eyes. She remembered her first year at Hogwarts, Professor Dumbledore's speech, his twinkling eyes, his lemon-drops, his fight in their forth year after Harry had been Portkeyed to Voldemort, how he had always protected his school...And now he was dead, killed by a man he had trusted.

Hermione had taken her N.E.W.T.s early; in fact she would have passed the exams after her fifth year with flying colours. No Potions masters had applied for the position at Hogwarts and after having filled out about fifty forms and taking some extra tests at the Ministry, Hermione had been allowed to fill in. Of course she knew that this would be only temporarily. As soon as a i real /i Potions master applied for this position, she would be replaced. But she was content knowing that it would be advantageous for her career to get some experience in teaching.

Now Severus Snape's office was hers, and also his lab and his private quarters. Everything smelled slightly unventilated, now that it had not been used for several weeks. The office had remained as Snape had left it, with gruesome specimens floating around in jars of preservative. It was so dismal and impersonal. However, the lab was immaculate. Snape had been a thorough and serious man, a pedant who had radiated fury if his orders were not followed minutely.

Snape had always referred to the students as dunderheads and although Hermione hated to admit it, often he had been right. The majority of them believed Potions was similar to cooking, throw a little of ingredient A into the cauldron, add a spoonful of ingredient B and let the concoction simmer for three hours. It always took a while until at least some of the students realised that quite a bit of magic was needed to brew a potion. The unspoken rule was the stronger the magical power the better the potion results.

Brewing was neither simple nor boring, a subtle change in the ingredients or the motions would result in a completely different potion, a lack of concentration and the potion was ruined. Hermione knew that Snape had invented several potions himself, but had never seen one of them in class. She had always noticed that Snape loved Potions, not teaching, but Potions. Even in his famous first-year-speech he used to intimidate the new students this love for Potions showed. The man who never showed his emotions -- and most of the students would swear he had none --showed kind of passion for this subject.

_Enough musing about Snape,_ she admonished herself. He was brilliant, but he was also a ruthless murderer. Although Hermione was thrilled to teach Potions, she felt uncomfortable to move into Snape's quarters. Hermione of the Dungeons! It would have been funny if not for the circumstances. Entering Snape's chambers was odd enough; somehow he still seemed to be there, though his scent, sandalwood and the spices which had always surrounded him, did not linger any longer in his, no, i her /i rooms. The house-elves had removed his clothing and some of his personal items, but everything else had remained. A great walnut desk dominated the room; some scrolls were still lying there, but Hermione did not bother to read them. Snape's quarters had been thoroughly searched after the murder, and he was too cunning to leave any evidence behind that would lead to his whereabouts.

Examining the rest of the room, Hermione Granger's eyes widened and her breathing nearly stopped: She had guessed that Snape liked to read, but this library went far beyond her expectations. The room was filled with ten large shelves that went from the floor to the ceiling, and these shelves were stuffed with books. There were books on Potions, and rare editions of everything a witch could dream of: i Hogwarts a History, Dark Potions through the Ages, Pain & Potions, Dreams & Potions /i , textbooks, and rare journals of long deceased Potions masters. Hermione let her fingers linger on the spines and then pulled out one of the books. There were still some days left until she would have to teach, and what would be more wonderful than reading?

Several hours later Hermione sighed and got up; she had always been a person who would forget her surroundings completely while reading. Now it was time to put her stuff in the closets, the closets in Snape's old bedroom. It was as Spartan as expected, a large four-poster-bed with a dark green bedspread and dark curtains, a nightstand, a little armoire and a chair. She decided to redecorate it. Not that she was very much into the red and gold of Gryffindor colours; she liked green and changed the bedspread and the curtains into a grass green colour. Yes, and she would like the walls in a warm yellow, would also hang some pictures, and add some warm rugs and an easy chair.

The connecting bathroom was interesting. Professor Snape's greasy hair and crooked yellow teeth had generated rumours that he did not shower regularly or even own a toothbrush. Of course this was nonsense; she had noticed that Snape had always smelled clean when he had stood beside her cauldron trying to find a flaw in her potion. Nevertheless the bathroom was kind of a surprise, some would even call it luxurious. It contained a huge bathtub and everything was in marble, dark of course, but tasteful. He seemed to love grooming and pampering himself, weird, why would he have greasy hair then?

Hermione returned to the bedroom. A little book was still lying on the nightstand, and Hermione chuckled at the title of this book:_Lust Potions_ . Who would have thought that Snape had any use for this? Well, he was not quite Mister-Great-Britain-material; maybe such potions had been necessary for him, though he had never been seen with a woman to her knowledge. She did not feel that comfortable with the thought of lust potions. It contradicted her Gryffindor sense of honesty, but she knew that most of her class mates had been more than eager to brew them. They liked to experiment, and simply had fun. But Snape and fun, these two words even in one sentence...

Hermione opened the book curiously and recoiled when she heard an all too familiar dark voice.

"Having fun, Miss Granger?"

The book dropped from her hands and fell to the floor with a thud. She looked around cautiously finally focusing on the thin figure of her former Potions master, or rather kind of a translucent figment, yes, it had to be a figment of her imagination.

"Miss Granger, I assure you, I am no figment of your imagination," the silky voiced Legilimens continued. "I knew you would be curious enough to open this book and, no, there is no use in showing this book to anybody else. The spell was activated by your opening the book; it is personalised and will not reveal anything to another person. So would you sit down and shut your mouth so that we can discuss the matters at hand? We need your help, or at least Professor Dumbledore thinks he needs your help."


	2. Chapter 2

Please consider the usual disclaimers as written. Everything you ...blablabla...J.K.Rowling. A great thank you again to my beta Samantha Kathy. As for certain clumsy expressions, please be lenient; I'm German and learned English about twenty-five years ago. With reviews you feed the author. smiling

**Chapter 2**

Hermione began to laugh hysterically, but Professor Snape or rather this phantom only cocked an eyebrow and scowled at her. "I don't have time for this, and I am in no mood for childish discussions. Professor Dumbledore requests your help."

"Professor Dumbledore requests my...Professor Snape, I don't even know why I call you Professor any more, how sore headed do you think me, to fall for that lie?" Hermione did not see any necessity to be polite to this man whom she had trusted and who had turned out to be a murderer. "You killed Professor Dumbledore, and now you try to set a trap for me. I don't know what you are playing at, but let me tell you that you waste your time and breath. You will not be successful in luring me away."

"Use your intelligence girl, or rather your assumed intelligence. Do you really think I would be here if I were not able to prove my assertion? You try my patience. There is a reason why you are here. Do you really consider it a coincidence that no Potions master applied for this job, and that an eighteen-year-old Gryffindor is allowed to play Potions mistress? Professor Dumbledore is alive; he planned this as I told you. This was a stage we set up. I will give you two clues: Phoenix and Draught of Living Death. You will contact him by the mirror in my desk," Snape replied condescendingly.

Dumbledore's phoenix? Could it be true? Hermione had seen the bird flying over the white tomb. Professor Dumbledore had been found at the foot of the tower, lying spread eagle on the ground, blood running from his mouth. Could that really have been a fake? It i could /i have been, if he had taken the Draught of Living Death. What if he really were alive? Hermione shot Snape a sharp glance, but returned to the living room, opened the drawer of his desk, and saw a little mirror, quite like that one Harry had gotten from Sirius Black. "For all I know, Professor Snape, the mirror might be a Portkey that will whisk me away to Voldemort. I will not touch it."

With an irritated glare Snape continued, "I assumed so, you silly girl. You need not touch the mirror, just watch."

Hermione became unsure. It had been hard to believe that Snape was a traitor, but she did not want to become an easy prey for Voldemort. What if Snape had not lied? If she thought about it, it was really rather unlikely that she should have got the job as a Potions mistress at Hogwarts. After a short hesitation she decided to take the risk and glanced into the mirror; she gasped when the image of Albus Dumbledore appeared. He seemed to be exhausted, older and a little haggard; the twinkling was gone, and he looked at Hermione with a stern face. "I must apologise for the shock we may have caused, Miss Granger. Yes, I am alive; Severus is no traitor and we have only set a stage, but it is a matter of life and death that this remains only between the three of us. You must not, I repeat, must not tell your friends or any of your former teachers of anything you will hear now. I know you will need proof that you are really talking to me. So let me remind you of an incident in your third year when you learned that Buckbeak would be executed and Sirius Black would get the Dementor's Kiss. You are aware that Professor Snape has no knowledge of what happened at that time. My exact words when I talked to you and your friends were "_What we need is more time_. "

At this Severus Snape narrowed his eyes and nearly barked at Albus Dumbledore, "You? You were involved in that?"

Hermione nodded and sighed with relief, tears in her eyes. "Professor Dumbledore, I am so glad that you are alive. I could not imagine you gone. I understand now that it is a trap for Voldemort to assure him of Professor Snape's loyalty, but why is it necessary to keep that from the members of the Order? They have to know that Professor Snape is no traitor."

"Miss Granger, we know that there is a traitor among the members of the Order, who is not yet revealed. The others will learn of our scheme, but in time. As much as I appreciate Harry, he has never been a good Occlumens; Tom might have sensed the trap. And as for Professor McGonagall, I am afraid her feelings would have been obvious, too. There was a reason why I taught you Occlumency. You are mature far beyond your age, there is no need to smirk, Severus, and you have the abilities to help us. Tom will become incautious now he thinks that I am dead. Severus has regained his trust, and we have the opportunity to eliminate Tom's loyal followers. You will pass the information we get to the other members of the Order in a way that will not raise suspicions about your source. You will have to discuss certain things with Professor Snape. Further contact will not be possible by the mirror, only through Professor Snape." Dumbledore's image faded.

Hermione watched Severus Snape. He had never looked handsome, but now he looked ill, if that could be said of a nearly translucent person. Nevertheless he glanced back at her calmly with his usual emotionless eyes. Hermione blinked and cleared her throat. "I apologise, Professor Snape, I should have known that you are no traitor."

Snape arched an eyebrow and sneered. "You should have known, Miss Granger? How could you? The know-it-all is supposed to know my character, too? I was astonished to see how you defended me at Order meetings, yes, I noticed, but maybe you got the impression you have to stand up for someone who is disliked by everybody. I assure you, pity is wasted on me."

"There is no need to insult me, Professor Snape. I do not pity you, and never have. I have always respected you, and I admire what you have sacrificed for the Light. I could not understand why you would murder Professor Dumbledore. How can you stand to be looked at as his murderer, considered worse than Voldemort himself?" Hermione replied blushing._What is it about this man that he cannot accept a compliment as it is? He is embittered in a way that he does not expect anything good from other people. Life is so painful without friends. I will show him that he is not alone in this._

Snape was taken aback. When had anybody ever felt the urge to apologise to i him /i ? She looked at him with trust; he saw that she meant it, and had the ridiculous feeling of comfort. The short flicker in Snape's eyes showed his surprise, but then his lips quirked in a mirthless smile. "If you are so aware of my sacrifices for the Order, you are probably also aware that it would take more than ten lives to atone for what I have done as a Death Eater. - Enough of this, Miss Granger. We cannot waste our time. Important matters have to be discussed."

When Snape's phantom had dissappeared, Hermione had time to think about everything she had heard this evening. They had put a heavy weight upon her shoulders, maybe too much for a young woman of her age and experience. She was stunned to learn that she was the one Dumbledore had chosen to participate in this charade, not Harry, who had always seemed to be Professor Dumbledore's favourite, and not even Professor McGonagall.

Her thoughts went back to Severus Snape. He had taken a wrong path in his youth, and that had influenced his life in a way he had never been able to make up for. His embittered remark had stirred a feeling in her, not pity but compassion. Maybe her subconscious had told her before; otherwise she would not have felt, yes, kind of hurt personally by his assumed murder. He was no nice man, has never been, but he was honourable. Hermione mused how i she /i would have become with such a past. Harry had told her what he had seen in Snape's Pensieve about the humiliation he had endured by James Potter. She also knew that Snape had nearly been killed by Remus Lupin. And now this man was viewed as a traitor by everyone except Dumbledore and herself and had to bear that, too. It was too much; she would try to help. She could only hope that he would let her. Tomorrow they would meet to brew several special potions, but he had not told her how he would enter Hogwarts without being noticed.

Lord Voldemort summoned his faithful servants. A big step towards the final victory had been made: Dumbledore was dead. The Order of the Phoenix was weakened, and soon enough its members would be either dead or would leave the Order, helpless without their leader. Voldemort had been able to place another spy among Dumbledore's followers, whose identity was unknown.

When Lucius Malfoy approached, the other Death Eaters receded respectfully. In the mayhem that had taken place after Dumbledore's death, Lucius Malfoy had been freed from Azkaban. He bowed his knees and kissed the hem of his Master's robe, then rose and stepped forward to take his usual place at the right side of his Master. But Voldemort held up his hand and smiled unpleasantly. "It is so good to have you back unharmed, and as I learned your son is unharmed, too. I am sincerely disappointed in you, Lucius. Your son should have been prepared to die for our case and should have been honoured. Instead…Have you raised a coward, Lucius? How shall I expect you to deal with difficult tasks for me, if you are not able to educate your son properly? Your place will be taken by someone who has proven his loyalty, and that he is willing to risk everything for me. Severus, you will take Lucius' place by my side."

Lucius' eyes burned with humiliation and anger, but he did not say anything, only bowed and took his place among the other Death Eaters. He knew that most of them laughed inwardly; he did not have many friends; too often he had shown them that he thought himself superior, and now he was replaced by a half-blood. It was not the first time that Lucius Malfoy regretted to have introduced Severus Snape to Lord Voldemort. Even as a boy Snape had been a genius, and had proven to be very useful for the Dark Lord. He had been the one who had told Voldemort about the Prophecy. Snape had taken the glory, and later on when there had been grave failures with certain potions, Lord Voldemort had not once considered to kill him; but instead only used the Cruciatus. Maybe this was because Lord Voldemort was a half-blood himself. Snape of all people had killed Dumbledore, had done the deed Draco should have done. Lucius knew if only given a few seconds more, Draco would have killed Dumbledore himself, only a few seconds…And now he was considered a coward. Snape had known, he had known exactly that Draco would have done it, but now_he_ was the hero, and the Malfoys were condemned to insifignance. The only satisfaction for Lucius was that he had had kind of a revenge, a little i fun /i with Snape's sister last week. Of course, he had obliviated her afterwards. Some day, he would kill Snape, and he would tell him what he had done just before the final curse.

Snape's eyes were expressionless as usual when he took his place at Voldemort's side, but Lucius Malfoy shot a glare of pure hatred to Snape which did not go unnoticed by Voldemort.


	3. Chapter 3

Do I have to write the same boring disclaimer for every chapter? No! Look at chapter two.

A great thank you to Samantha Kathy for the beta reading.

**Chapter 3**

Severus Snape had told Hermione to meet him at the lake at 8 o'clock sharp and to make sure that she was not followed. She arrived on time knowing how Snape hated tardiness. When after twenty minutes Snape had not yet appeared, Hermione became nervous. What if he had been discovered, and arrested, or killed? Suddenly she heard the sound of a little twig breaking and jerked around, but it was not her former teacher, only a black cat, a really beautiful, elegant animal. Hermione bent down to stroke its head and was very surprised when the cat arched its back and hissed. When the shape of the cat shifted suddenly and the thin figure of her former Potions master appeared, she understood. He was not a person who would like to be touched.

"Good evening, Miss Granger." Snape inclined his head. "By now you know that I am an unregistered animagus. You will take me with you as your new...uhm...pet, so I will be able to enter Hogwarts. We will have to brew several potions in my lab; you may assist me, but they are highly dangerous and you will not be able to brew alone."

Hermione cleared her throat, paused, and then blurted, "Professor Snape, I will do as you say, but you acting like my cat must be believable. Cats usually like me, and it does not help if you hiss at me, if I touch you. The other pets I had used to lie at my feet, or in my lap. Professor, don't look at me as if you would like to kill me. I do not suggest that you sleep in my lap. It would do if you let yourself be petted, and if I do that, look pleased."

Snape had obviously not thought about this difficulty, but nodded faintly, though he tensed, and colour crept in his cheeks.

Hermione had indeed no difficulty to bring her new cat to Hogwarts. At the gates she met Lavender Brown. "Oh, Hermione, is this a new pet of yours? This is soooo cute! Such a beautiful cat! Where did you get it? I'd rather have a cat than my boring owl. Ooooh, you sweet pussycat! " Lavender put her fingers under the cat's chin, but almost instantly pulled her hand back with a cry of pain. Her hand showed four bloody scratches.

"Oh, Lavender, I am so sorry, I should have warned you. The cat was kind of...uhm...maltreated as a kitten, and I am the only one who can touch it." Hermione blushed and hurried away with the cat in her arms.

Her composure left her when she had closed the door of the office behind her; she roared with laughter. "Oh, Professor Snape, that was more than I could bear. If Lavender had had any idea what she did! She has always been so afraid of you and now she got she proof she was right. You scratched her..." She stopped when she saw the scowling of Severus Snape, who obviously did not find the situation very amusing. Hermione sighed and looked into Snape's face with a sudden earnest. "Professor, my laughter has nothing to do with childish behaviour or with laughing _at_ you. I am only very glad that I got something to laugh. Some days ago I thought that it would be a long time until I would laugh again."

The next few hours were spent with chopping and brewing. Hermione watched Severus Snape covertly. She had never really worked together with him. Class did not qualify, nor did detentions. Here, in his lab, he prepared potions only a handful of wizards in the world were able to brew. Hermione watched his movements and his concentration; his eyes seemed to have a different colour when be worked on potions. Snape did not explain anything about the purpose of the potions, and Hermione did not ask. Some potions could be brewed only by wizards with certain powers. Though Hermione was an outstanding witch, Remus Lupin had always referred to her as to the brightest witch of her age, she had never heard the incantations Snape intoned after adding the final ingredient.

Severus was pleasantly surprised by Hermione Granger. She had worked with him without idle chatter. Her former remark about the laughter had touched him. He had never been able to laugh, irony, yes, sarcasm, yes, but it had been years since his early childhood that he had genuinely laughed. Albus was right. She was an adult and the preceding weeks had matured her even more.

What he had not expected was her friendly behaviour towards him now that she knew he had been the one who had told Voldemort about the prophecy. There was no sign of loathing or reproach. The young woman did not seem to be uncomfortable, though Snape did not understand how she could stand his presence. She had never shown fear, like some of her former class-mates; she had always been polite, but never a bootlicker. Her intelligence was extraordinary; she was a gifted witch with a promising career. Would one of the boys she was hanging around with appreciate her intelligence? He had seen the Weasley boy groping her. What did she see in him? Then again this was none of his business. If she liked to be surrounded by such an idiot, she would have to live with the results; marrying into this family always resulted in at least seven brats. Severus Snape snorted at that thought, and Hermione looked rather puzzled at the sound.

When they finally left the lab after midnight and entered the living-room, both of them were exhausted and tired. While the house-elves delivered some sandwiches and wine, Snape took the shape of the cat. During the meal, she continued watching him. Like she had noticed the day before, he looked rather ill. "Miss Granger, is there something you want to ask me? You have been watching me rather noticeable, and I prefer you asking before you burst."

Hermione blinked. That was as close to a joke as she could imagine. "Professor Snape, I have been thinking...You cannot get outside now. The gates are closed and you cannot Disapparate. You have to stay in my chambers overnight."

Snape looked evenly at her. "That was to be expected. Spending the night with a student in my quarters is not what I would consider as appropriate, but this is no normal situation, and we are both adults enough to deal with this."

Severus Snape referring to her as an adult? Hermione was surprised. But when she thought about it, he had not once said _silly girl_ today.

"You will use the bedroom and I will sleep on the sofa in the living-room."

"Professor Snape, these are your quarters, and I am the intruder; so it is only fair that I use the sofa. I don't feel comfortable sharing rooms with a man, and I agree that this situation is inappropriate, and I find it very awkward, but I trust you. And, not that it matters, but I am not your student any more."

_She does not feel comfortable sharing her rooms with a man, but she trusts me? Me of all people! How can she trust me? Even now that she understands that I did not kill Dumbledore, she knows that I was the one who told the Dark Lord about the prophecy. She is anything but imbecile, but nevertheless she trusts me. Foolish woman_

He was a little surprised that her feeling of awkwardness had nothing to do with him being her former teacher, but only with him being a man. He noticed her flushed cheeks. Despite his former remarks, he did not feel that comfortable either. He was not used to sharing his quarters with another person. The fact that she was his former student was bad enough, but he chastised himself for seeing her as a woman now. The way she had dealt with this whole situation had proven that she was an adult. That should have made this situation easier, but it did not. His students had always been children for him; his thoughts had never crossed this line even with really beautiful students in the seventh year. Not that any of these witches would have seen a man in him. He knew he was ugly; he had been told that since he had been a little child; school mates had called him creepy Snivellus. He knew the students called him the greasy git and the bat of the dungeons. His only love in his youth had married Potter, and for his sexual needs Severus Snape had to visit the whores in Knockturn Alley at times.

And now, he had noticed for the first time that Hermione Granger was a woman. She was no stunning beauty, but had a pleasant face and warm brown eyes. The bushy hair was gone, and she had soft brown curls instead. Her figure was nicely shaped. _Severus, you are a disgusting old letch, stop these thoughts. She would never think of you as a man!…But she has, hasn't she?...That was only figuratively; she did not refer to you. You are pathetic! And how can you think of a woman when the fate of the Wizarding world is at stake? It is better not to feel anything inside, safer for our case and safer for you_.

Hermione was aware of Severus Snape's gaze; it was neither patronising nor smirking. His eyes were different, she could not put her finger on it, but she had never seen him like that. But when she searched his face and opened her mouth to speak, his eyes went cold as usual, his jaw and his back going rigid. "Miss Granger, it is late, and we will both need our concentration and strength tomorrow. I would suggest that you use the bathroom at first and go to sleep. We will need our sleep. Tomorrow, work will have to begin early; I told the Dark Lord that I had to collect some rare herbs for my potions, but I will only have some weeks, and we have to take this time by the forelock."

Hermione lay awake for hours. Too much had happened. The assumed traitor had turned out to be the bravest man she had ever known, an unknown hero, nobody paid tribute to. But i she /i would. Eventually, sleep overtook her.

The next morning, Hermione left for breakfast to the Great Hall. Casually, she told her colleagues that she had to prepare certain things for her lessons and would take some extra time in the lab and in her quarters. Back in her rooms, she ordered some sandwiches. Professor Snape had to eat, too, and it would have raised suspicion, if she had taken food with her. So she told the house-elves that she was very hungry because of the extra work she had to do.

The next hours were spent in the same manner as the day before. They worked together quietly, and this time Professor Snape explained that they were working on mind altering potions he would use for one of the Death Eaters. She felt his respect and was glad for it. It felt good to work with him.

Hermione realised how the energy had drained from her after hours of potion-making. She was glad when they finally took a break in the afternoon. While sitting together and eating at the small table in his quarters, Hermione was astonished to notice that she felt rather comfortable in Snape's presence.

She asked him why they had set up this stage. To her, it seemed rather hazardous. The mayhem that had been caused by Professor Dumbledore's death had been immense. Snape had explained patiently; before she would have sworn he did not even know how to spell that word. Dumbledore had been weakened by the poison he had drunk in the cave. The scheme was a possibility to prevent Draco Malfoy from becoming a murderer and on the other hand to protect Dumbledore from really being killed. Furthermore, Voldemort had become suspicious about Snape's loyalty. Too often, Snape had reported failures. Voldemort knew exactly how to deal with cruel persons or people greedy for power, but Snape was enigmatic for him and thus suspicious. Snape had to endure the Cruciatus and other curses too often. Dumbledore saw Snape's exhaustion and feared that, though Snape was a brilliant Occlumens, some day, his shields might yield. Realising this, Dumbledore had looked for a means to restore Voldemort's trust. He also knew that the Death Eaters would become incautious if they believed that Dumbledore was dead.

Hermione was deeply impressed, though Snape did left no doubt that he had not wanted to set that stage. It had remained very risky.

Hermione still felt a little exhausted, and Severus Snape had dark circles under his eyes, but finally they had to go back to work. Eventually, late in the evening, they had finished their last task and cleaned the lab. Hermione watched Severus, who, as she had seen before, definitely looked ill. Obviously, he was under severe pressure, and she wondered how long he could endure that. She walked up to him, and cleared her throat. "I want to thank you for everything you do, sir. I realise that your life is probably more endangered than before, as you have to be careful with Voldemort, and you are hunted as a murderer by the rest of the Wizarding world." She stretched out her small hand. "I would like to…well…I know it is unusual, but I would be glad if I could be your friend."

_She wanted to be his friend? Why in all the world…_ "Miss Granger, I admit that we have been working together for our purpose far better than I had imagined, but let us face the facts, there is no need to be my _friend_ . I don't have friends, and I don't need friends, I don't believe in _friendship_ . Everyone has to carry his own burden. What people call friendship, is the desire to share certain pleasures and the wish for companionship. If you really need someone, he will always abandon you in the end. Maybe you are too young, or too naïve to realise that. And I also assure you, I am the last person in the world you would want as a friend. Some of the things you know about me should have told you that, but there is tenfold more." Snape replied.

"Sir, I am young, but I am not naïve. I know that you are not the person you were in your youth. I care about what becomes of you, and I care about you being well or not. For now, I can tell that you need to rest; you definitely look ill. I don't want to be obtrusive, but I..."

Snape was too exhausted for his usual sarcastic remark, so he only raised an eyebrow and interrupted, "Well, Miss Granger, time will tell." He was tired, more than he had foreseen; everything else could be discussed tomorrow.

Hermione awoke in the middle of the night. There, a sound coming from Snape's bedroom, something like a moan. She left her bed and reached for her wand. She opened the door in increments. There was no sign of an intruder, but Snape seemed to be in pain. She flicked her wand. "Lumos!" In the dim light she could see drops of sweat on his skin; he moaned and sobbed, his head jerking from one side to the other. His bed-sheets had dropped to the floor. Hermione approached the bed and bent over Snape. He did not even wake up when she touched his damp forehead. He was hot, boiling hot. He had a severe fever and probably a nightmare, too. Hermione knew that there was no potion against fever in Snape's closet, and she realised that she could not go to Madam Pomfrey in the middle of the night without being asked questions. Brewing a potion would need time; and she did not have time.What should she do?


	4. Chapter 4

**Everything you recognise belongs to J.K. Rowling. Clumsy expressions belong to me, because I am German. Kudos to my beta Samantha-Kathy, who has to suffer a lot, correcting my punctuation and other mistakes.**

**Thank you for your kind reviews so far. Authors are review-junkies, so pleeeaase...**

**Chapter 4**

Snape had a severe fever. Hermione's mind raced. She had no potion; what did her mother do when she had a fever? It was something with cold water and towels. Hermione rushed into the bathroom and drenched two towels in cold water. She wrapped them around Snape's lower legs, and then wrapped two dry towels around. He stirred, but did not awake. This fever could not be trifled with; it was high and dangerous. Sweat glistened on Severus' body, and he shivered. Hermione fetched a dry bed sheet and a blanket, and covered him. He did not sleep in the grey nightshirt everybody had laughed about in their fourth year, but in black boxers. Hermione noticed several scars on his abdomen. From Order meetings she knew that Voldemort liked to expose his followers to several curses when they failed in a task. Hermione felt pity for what Severus had to endure. Aside from the scars, he was not that bad looking after all. He was lean, but muscular, and not too hairy. At that thought she chastised herself. _He is seriously ill and you are checking him out. That is sick_.

She dipped a small cloth in cold water and wiped away the sweat on his forehead. Suddenly he opened his eyes and stared at her, but he did not seem to recognise her. Then he murmured, "Lily…Lily, I'm so sorry. I love you. Everything is my fault." His dark eyes closed again and he began to sob lowly. _Lily Evans, Lily Potter..._ Hermione was stunned. Snape had loved Lily Evans. Everything fell into place now. He had been the one who had told Voldemort about the prophecy, but had not realised that Voldemort would kill Lily. When he had understood this, he had turned to Dumbledore in despair, but it had been too late. Snape had tried to atone this for years by spying for Dumbledore. His hatred towards Harry, who looked exactly like his father, and on the other hand the fact that Snape had always protected him; it made sense now. What a torment it must have been to look into Harry's eyes every day, reminding him of his guilt!

Hermione changed the towels several times during the night and cooled Snape's forehead with the wet cloth. She also prepared tea in case he woke up and sat at his bed, watching him. He was even paler than usual, but his lips did not show their typical expression, he looked kind of...vulnerable. She did not dare leave him alone. What if he died? When Severus Snape finally opened his eyes again in the morning, he found Hermione sitting next to the bed. He felt the towels on his legs and looked questioningly at Hermione. "A Muggle thing, Professor Snape, but it works. You had a high fever, you had hallucinations, and were unconscious. I could not fetch a fever potion from Madam Pomfrey as you will understand. It would have taken too long, if I had brewed a potion myself. The fever may have subsided now, but you are dehydrated and will need some tea." She fetched a cup, and held it to his lips. He shot her an irritated glance. "Miss Granger, I am not a little child. I am able to drink myself."

"Sir, I know, I only want to help you. Please take the cup." Reluctantly, he swallowed the tea. Though he knew that he had to be grateful for what Hermione Granger had done for him, Severus felt uncomfortable to accept help from anybody else. He did not need it! But his mind told him at once that he _had_needed her help. Damn! What would she think of him having seen him vulnerable, and without his robes. She had probably been repulsed by the view of his thin, scarred body.

Snape was no fool. He knew he owed her his life. He had not been well for several weeks now, but had not let himself rest. The stress of the past few days had finally led to his break-down. She had talked about hallucinations…"Did I say anything you could understand?" he asked. Hermione nodded, and met his gaze without showing uneasiness. "Yes, you did, Professor, it was about Lily Evans." _Lily -- Hermione Granger must have watched my usual nightmare._ "Then you know why I am the last person in the world you would want as a friend."

"I still want to be your friend," Hermione told him softly. Snape was confused by her behaviour. Looking in her eyes, he saw no sign of pity or revulsion, and she also offered her friendship again, though she knew what he had done. Why? Embarrassed by Hermione's behaviour, Severus only shot her an irritated glance.

He tried to get out of the bed and to head to the bathroom to take a shower, but his legs would not support him. He was still very weak and irritated that he needed the help of Hermione again. "Sir, I will leave you alone now, but...uhm...I think you should not lock the door in case you need my help." She actually blushed.

Severus Snape was relieved when the bathroom door closed behind him. Not only was he filthy and in need for a shower, he felt the urge to escape the presence of the small Gryffindor woman. _'Woman', you have thought it again._ She had touched him It was not that he had never been touched before by Madam Pomfrey, when he had returned from Voldemort with all kinds of injuries, but this had been different. With Hermione he _felt_ touched. "Now you are losing it, boy, now she is even 'Hermione'," Snape murmured to his reflection in the mirror, and rubbed his stubby chin. He transfigured a comb into a razor, and after a shave and a long hot shower, he felt better.

When Snape entered the living-room, Hermione was sitting at the desk, preparing for her first lesson the next day. She saw at once that the old Snape, who would never allow anybody to see him weak, was back. It took no Muggle psychology to read his face and his body language. "Miss Granger, we need to talk."

_'We need to talk!' How I hate this expression. You can always be sure that something unpleasant will follow,_ Hermione thought.

"Miss Granger, I feel the necessity to rectify some things, and you may be surprised that I will be rather blunt, but under the given circumstances I think it is prudent. You told me that you wanted to be my friend. During the past years I have had several approaches of this kind, mostly from well-meaning Gryffindor Order members. They felt pity with poor, ugly, misunderstood Professor Snape, who had no friend in the whole world. Maybe your point of view is a little different. Perhaps you are some kind of do-gooder and intend to rescue a criminal from his sins. Or maybe you think me some kind of dark hero, who was forced to disguise his true self during his lessons. I am nothing of that sort. I assure you that most of the things I said in class were exactly how I meant them. I do not need this kind of _friendship_ . And there is something else..." Snape's face drew nearer, and was only inches away from hers.

"...I am a murderer, Miss Granger, and I intend to kill again. I will kill Lucius Malfoy, I will make him suffer, and I will enjoy it. Now you are afraid of me, I see it in your eyes. This is why we can never be friends."


	5. Chapter 5

**It is really boring to think about a new disclaimer. Please look at the last one. It's still valid and has no date of expiry. Thanks for all the kind reviews and thanks to Samantha-Kathy for beta-reading so quickly.**

**If you feed me with kind reviews, I will submit the next chapter tomorrow.Otherwise... Mhm, well, blackmailing people is not that nice. I take it back, but pleeaase...**

**Chapter 5**

Hermione sat at her desk, twirling a quill between her fingers. Snape had not waited for an answer, but had disappeared in the bedroom. He was right! She had been afraid of him. Was he also right about the other things he had said? No, she did not pity him. Neither was he just another _pet-project_, nor did she glorify him. True, she had seen new aspects of him in the past few days, but that did not mean that she had forgotten everything he had done in the past years. He had been very clear about the fact that most of it was part of his character. What had really shocked her, however, was his unvarnished statement that he would enjoy killing Lucius Malfoy. She knew that this was a war between the Dark and the Light, but, somehow, everything had been black and white. The good ones simply did not enjoy killing. They would do the inevitable, but nothing more. Facing Death Eaters, she would defend herself, and killing would be justified self-defence. And now, she realised that this had been self-deception. Eventually she would have to kill someone in this war. Perhaps she would meet the Lestranges, who were responsible for the insanity of Neville's parents, or other Death Eaters, who raped women during their raids. Or she would meet the murderers of countless victims, whose only fault was that they were Muggles. Oh yes, she would hate them, and perhaps also enjoy killing them. Perhaps Severus Snape was only more honest than she. There would be much more to think about in the next few days. But now, she had to prepare her first lesson.

Hermione was aware of the fact that she would be confronted with enmity as the new Potions Mistress at Hogwarts. Although she had always been brilliant in Potions, she had also been seen as an eager beaver by many students. She was friends with the famous Harry Potter, but she knew that she was more tolerated than liked by many students. This would not improve now that she had the post of a professor. She was eighteen years old, only one year older than most of her former class mates. Difficult things first; her first lesson would be Advanced Potions with the seventh years.

Hermione did not see Snape for the rest of the day. Most likely, he had decided to sleep, and to regain his strength for the following days. The next morning, when she collected her books to leave for her first lesson, he appeared in the doorframe.

"I think I will accompany you."

_How did you overlook his weird sense of humour? Your first lesson as a Potions mistress, and Severus will sit in the background of the classroom with a sneer on a cat's face. Great!_

Hermione heard the laughter and chatter from outside the classroom. When she entered, the noise subsided, but she could still hear some murmurs and giggles. She had never been one for dramatic entrances, so she simple walked to the front of the classroom and, stood before the students, her former class mates. She caught curious glances, but also mocking and hostile ones, and someone in the background murmured, "Professor Mudblood." Hermione did not react, and after a while, when she did not say anything, only stood there and looked at the students calmly, everyone became silent.

"This is an unusual situation. I know that some of you ask yourself how the Ministry can allow a former class mate to fill in as a Potions Mistress here. Those of you who feel unable to deal with this are allowed to leave. If you feel confident enough to pass your Potions N.E.W.T. without my help, so be it. For those who will try, I promise I will do my best to help all of you. My style of teaching will not be authoritarian, and I do not intend to let me be called 'Professor Granger' by my former class mates, but don't be mistaken. I have got the authority here, and I will use it for the benefit of all of us. I will deduct points for disrespect, and even assign detentions if necessary. I also hope that the events of the last months have taught you that we have to stand together in this situation, and refrain from these petty battles between the houses. Our childhood is definitely over. As I said in the beginning, those of you, who question my authority, are excused."

Hermione's gaze passed over the students. Some of them, especially the Slytherins, still did not look too happy, but none of them left. There were mature enough not to trifle with their exams. Hermione's eyes met the warm green eyes of Harry who raised his hand. "Yes, Harry?"

"Hermione, I am glad that you will teach us, and I know you will do your very best," he said calmly. That did it for many of the students. If Harry Potter could deal with his best friend being his teacher, they could deal with this, too.

Hermione smiled. "Thank you, Harry. Now, let's start. Let's begin with something not so difficult. Part of the lessons in this year will be repeating the subject matter of the fifth and sixth year for the N.E.W.T. We will begin with the Confusing & Befuddlement Draught. Which ingredients do we need for this potion?"

Students who had decided to take Advanced Potions did not take this subject lightly; everyone knew that sneezewort, scurvy grass, and lovage were needed. Nevertheless, Hermione was relieved when the lesson was over.

Lessons with the other classes followed. They went surprisingly well. Few potions were ruined, and Hermione was only twice forced to deduct points. She knew that it was only the beginning. She had taken them by surprise, and soon enough she would have to prove her authority. Fortunately, she had managed to keep the thought of Professor Snape out of her head for nearly the whole day. She was grateful that he had remained in the background of the classroom. Would he mock her later on, and accuse her of lacking authority?

Back in the dungeons, Hermione slumped into the easy chair. She was exhausted. Teaching was challenging; she had to concentrate every minute to prevent careless students from melting their cauldrons, or causing explosions. Knowing that teaching was difficult was different from experiencing it first-hand.

Snape transformed into his human form. "Miss Granger...", he said. "Yes, Professor Snape!" Hermione replied belligerently, and raised her chin. But Snape only arched an eyebrow, and smiled, an unusual non-sneering, non-smirking smile. "You did very well."

Hermione was stunned. He thought she had done well? This rendered her speechless.

"Miss Granger, did you really think me so superficial that I would not recognise that another style of teaching could be successful, too? My dramatic entrance, and the billowing robes would not suit you. But be careful; you have won a battle, but not the war," Snape continued.

Another joke from Professor Snape? Snape with a sense of humour? Hermione realised that she had not known this man at all. Snape was feared, and only the older students dared laugh inwardly about his dramatic appearances. Hermione understood now that part of it was only a different teaching technique. It worked for the younger students, to be intimidated and to be careful with the cauldrons. Of course, the other reason for his behaviour was his harsh personality. He_was_ sour and sullen, not a man who would be liked. His overbearing behaviour also worked to keep any person at bay. Who would like to be friends with such an arrogant man? _She would!_

Hermione looked into Snape's eyes, and nodded. "I know, sir, and I will be careful. ...And, sir, I have been thinking about what you told me yesterday. If you got a wrong impression, I am sorry. I have never thought of you as a pitiful person, and there is no hero-worship on my part, at least not much." She smiled. "You were right, I was afraid of you at that moment, but I think it was more of a surprise than real fear. Professor Dumbledore said once: 'The world is not divided into nice people and Death Eaters.' and I am aware that it might be only a matter of time until I will hate, too. I was lucky so far, but that is nothing I can be proud of, or a reason to judge other people who have not been that lucky. I admire you, sir, and I know what you have done, and will do, but I still want to be you friend."

Snape remained silent for a moment, and searched her face. He saw honesty and determination in her face, and was touched despite himself. Perhaps it was not very prudent, but... He inclined his head. "You may call me Severus."

Hermione beamed at him. "I'm glad," she said matter-of-factly. Severus Snape was not accustomed to someone beaming at him. He was not accustomed to be the reason for someone's joy. Despite all the things he had said, he had been craving friendship his whole life. But his personality had made him a loner, even in his youth. Joining the Death Eaters had not improved anything. Everyone had been so eager to be the Dark Lord's favourite that jealousy lurked at every corner. Soon he had realised that his supposed friends would throw him to the wolves without hesitation, if they thought it necessary. Other people who had offered _friendship_ had asked for favours. But this young woman did not want anything; she had offered her friendship without ulterior motives. Their eyes locked, and he saw respect, warmth, and something else he could not name, probably because he did not know real friendship. "Well, Hermione, back to work," he said, nearly at a loss for words.


	6. Chapter 6

I have been thinking for days, but I could not come up with a new disclaimer. So please use the old one. No money is made, but ...mhm...maybe I could get a utilisation fee for my disclaimers. No? Okay.

Another thank you again to Samantha-Kathy for being my beta. hugs, kisses

**Chapter 6**

A few days passed, and Severus realised that he had made a mistake. Accepting her friendship, and being on a first-name basis, had been a fault. He had always kept people at bay; hiding behind a mask had become his very nature. In so doing, he had tried to shut out pain, but he had also shut out every joy that could have been in his life. She had offered her friendship, not knowing what kind of man he was. She was young, and warm-hearted, and, Merlin knew why, she wanted to extend this warmth to him. Denying the existence of friendship, and love, had somehow made life easier for him. Sometimes, he had missed these feelings, and allowed himself to think how his life could have been, if only… But there was no_if only_ . His wrong choice of roads had destroyed every opportunity for him to lead a normal life.

Guilt ate him alive. He had tried to atone for his sins, but as a spy for Dumbledore he had to face all the crimes he had committed as an active Death Eater before. He had to be present at raids, though he always tried to stand aside; he also participated in the usual orgies, and came back disgusted by himself. In his self-loathing and anger, he leashed out verbally at everyone. Only Albus knew what it cost Severus to pretend to be on Voldemort's side. Obviously, the other members of the Order did not think about it. For them, he was the unpleasant, unfeeling, but powerful wizard nobody wanted to socialise with. He had always been too proud to tell them how he was tormented by his deeds, and how he was haunted by nightmares. Coming back from the Death Eater meetings, he would stumble back to his quarters, trying to deal with his pain, always alone. Sometimes he nearly welcomed the pain evoked by the curses Voldemort liked to cast upon his followers; for Snape, they seemed to be the right punishment for his sins. Nobody had ever been interested in him, had ever tried to look behind his mask, nobody had ever cared, besides Dumbledore, who sometimes looked at him with knowing eyes. Inside, Severus felt weak, a shell of a man. Eventually, he had decided not to care anymore, had tried to bury every feeling inside._A better man than you would have been able to make up for your deeds, would have been fair to his students and his colleagues. But you are no good man_.

And now there was somebody who cared about him. An eighteen-year-old Gryffindor, the best friend of Harry Potter of all people! She had offered him her friendship, in a short time of weakness. Not that he did not trust her, he did; however, he did not trust himself. It was ridiculous! A young woman had said that she wanted to be his friend, and he was shaken to his core.

The fact that they spent so much time together in the dungeons did not help. Yesterday, when he had entered the living-room early in the morning, he had watched her sleeping form on the sofa, the peaceful face, and the brown curls. While working in his lab, she did not wear the usual robes but Muggle clothing, jeans and a tight, long-sleeved t-shirt that had shown the shape of her figure. Of course, that had not been intentional; she had said that this clothing was simply more practical than the usual wizarding robes, and she was right. Her hair had been tied back in a tight braid, which had revealed a delicate neck. He had also noticed her pretty eyes, with long lashes, and the sensuous lips. Yet, he knew that this would not have affected him at all if not for the friendship she had offered. During the past years, he had been impressed by her thirst of knowledge, and her courage, though he would never have admitted this. Strangely enough, he had even treated her more severely than other students, sometimes nearly cruelly. Some time ago, he had found out that it had been Hermione who had set his robes on fire in her first year, thinking that he was trying to hex Potter. He had also learned that i she /i had been the one who had stolen ingredients from his storage in order to brew Polyjuice in her second year. From the beginning, she had been a remarkable child, which had reminded him very much of himself. He had noticed that her intelligence had made her a loner, and that she would have remained solitary if not for the incident with the troll.

_But there the similarity ends. She is a good person, and you are not even worth to live. You are disgusting! If she knew how you have looked at her, she would loath you, if not hex you._ Of course, she was oblivious to his thoughts, and he would make sure that she never knew.

Hermione was happy. She had never thought that spending time with her former Potions master would be that enjoyable. Working with him was challenging, and Severus' compliments about her lessons had made her proud in a way that she felt her stomach knot. He seemed to be a little tense though, but maybe that was only the stress he was under. She would do her best to make him feel better. Severus Snape's friend! Even before the faked death of Albus Dumbledore, all her friends would have laughed at her. How could anybody want to be friends with the greasy git? Speaking of greasy, now that she worked for hours in the lab, she noticed that at least part of this resulted from the fumes in the lab. As a student, she had not seen this, because she had had at most double Potions a day. But Severus had not only taught all day, but had also brewed potions for Voldemort, and for the Order.

She had to admit that all uncomfortable feelings in Severus' presence had faded away. They were gone and instead… They were friends now, but when had she begun to see him as a man? She was absolutely sure that she had not had a crush on him when she had been his student. And he was not handsome, would never be. Being thrown together in this situation, could that have evoked these feelings? Discovering that he was vulnerable, that he had a sense of humour, and, she had to be honest to herself, touching him when he was ill, had changed things. Though he was nearly twenty years her senior, she had liked what she had seen; she had never expected what had been hidden under his voluminous robes and countless buttons. When she had watched him during that night, she had often looked at his lips, which had been so different. She had always thought that he had cruel lips, because that was how she had seen them, sneering, smirking, curled and distorted in disdain. But his mouth was really beautiful. The harsh lines in his face had not been there, and it had been an odd sensation to touch him. When he had opened his eyes, and had looked at her, still feverish, and had mistaken her for Lily, she had been captured by his gaze, so full of pain. It was illogical, and ridiculous, for some seconds she had thought how it would be to be touched by Severus.

She had been touched and kissed by Ron before; it had been nice, and she had thought that was how it should be. Nevertheless, she had not understood how anybody would make such a fuss about it, it was okay, yes, but nothing she would crave desperately. And now, she was kind of daydreaming about a man twice her age, and him of all people? What would Harry say if he knew that she had offered friendship, even harboured feelings for Snape? It was irrational.

Hermione wanted to be Severus' friend, but she was not so sure whether that was all she wanted. He would be disgusted if he knew. He had been very clear about that. She banned these thoughts. Why should she muse about something which would never happen? Important matters were at hand.

When Severus had explained his plan, Hermione had been shocked. She knew what would happen to Lucius Malfoy. She did not only know, she was actively involved in the scheme. It was war, and she would help to kill this man.

_Lucius Malfoy? What the…_ The little witch narrowed her eyes. _What was Lucius Malfoy doing here in the middle of the night at the Forbidden Forest talking to Minerva McGonagall?_ At first she had not recognised him, but then he had taken off the hood of his cloak. His blond hair gleamed in the moonlight, and his handsome, arrogant face could not be mistaken.

Nobody knew that she, harmless, little Hestia Jones, was a spy for the Dark Lord. He had ordered her to follow Minerva McGonagall around. Now that Dumbledore was dead, he assumed her to be the successor as the leader of the Order of the Phoenix and wanted to be informed about the plans of the Order. Besides, weird things had happened the preceding weeks. Faithful Death Eaters had disappeared and had been found, obliviated. They had not even known, who they were. Probably, there was a traitor among the servants of the Dark Lord.

But now, that was interesting. Lucius Malfoy was the last person she had expected to see here. She drew nearer, careful not to be noticed. "Professor McGonagall, I am sure this information will be useful for you," Malfoy said. _Lucius Malfoy – a traitor!_

The Dark Lord would be very interested to know. So far, Hestia Jones had not been able to report anything important for the Dark Lord, who had become impatient. But for this news she would get a reward. Oh, yes, she was looking forward to the questioning.


	7. Chapter 7

I was tempted to steal J.K.Rowling's characters, but since I am well educated and know, it is forbidden, I refrained. sigh

Dear Samantha-Kathy, thank you for being my beta and always returning the chapters so quickly.

At the end of the last chapter I introduced the new spy for Voldemort. My apologies to Hestia Jones; I needed a traitor.

**WARNING! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS TORTURE**.

**Chapter 7**

The Death Eaters were gathered before their master. Lord Voldemort was in an extremely bad mood. Not that a good mood would prevent his followers from being ridiculed or hexed, but today nobody dared even look directly at him. An hour ago, Hestia Jones had approached him, unseen by the others, and told him what she had seen. Cold fury had welled up in him. The traitor would regret the day he was born.

Eventually, the Dark Lord focused his red eyes on Lucius Malfoy. "Lucius, dear friend, you have always been one of my most faithful servants. Come near." Lucius suppressed a smirk, dropped to his knees, kissing his master's robes, and rose again. The Dark Lord had finally realised that Severus Snape was no replacement for him and would reinstall him as his right hand man. "Lucius, in the past you have been very inventive about punishments for traitors; I would like to hear some of your good ideas."

Lucius chuckled. "Of course, my Lord. I have always found that just casting Unforgivables is not that amusing. I would only cast a Cruciatus at the beginning. As much as I detest Muggles, some of their torturing methods are really...amazing. Using a bullwhip on the traitor until there is no skin left, tearing out his tongue and finally dismembering him slowly, making sure that he is conscious; that might be the right punishment. I would also suggest this to be a main event at one of our festivities."

"You are quite right, my dear Lucius, this is the right punishment for a traitor. So you won't mind my final question: Where have you been yesterday in the evening?"

Lucius opened his mouth to speak, only to be hit by a Cruciatus Curse of his master. He looked up incredulously, crouching before Voldemort and crying in pain. "My Lord, what...I would never..."

Enough of your lies!" Voldemort roared. "We have a witness; you were seen. Fortunately, I have never told anybody of the other spy in the Order besides Severus." The Dark Lord beckoned Hestia Jones. The little witch chuckled, and Voldemort continued, "I have been suspicious for a rather long time that there was a traitor among us. I am sure your memory will also show what you have done. Legilimens!"

_That could not be true. His memory would show..._ The Dark Lord narrowed his eyes triumphantly. "I have always known that you are a bad Occlumens. Your memory is evidence of your treason. You will be the leading character of our festivities today. I am sure my faithful servants will _prepare_ you for the final amusement later on."

"My Lord, I cannot...I have never...that must be a misunderstanding!" Lucius sobbed and cried violently while he was dragged away by the other Death Eaters.

_One_person knew exactly where Lucius Malfoy had been that night. Snape had invited him to his house in Spinner's End. Lucius had not dared decline the invitation of Lord Voldemort's new right hand man. Behind all his arrogant behaviour, he had always been a coward. Severus had watched him sitting down carefully on the threadbare armchair, anxious not to soil his robes. Malfoy had touched the glass of wine, Severus had offered him, with two fingers, wiping it with his handkerchief when he had thought Severus would not notice. He had been fool enough to drink the wine, which contained Sleeping Draught and a mind and memory altering potion. Severus had left him unconscious in the house.

The memory of Lucius Malfoy showed that he had met with the new Headmistress of Hogwarts. Hestia Jones did not know that she had not watched the real Professor McGonagall and the real Malfoy, and that everything had been a setup. Furthermore, Severus had killed two birds with one stone. He could tell Dumbledore that the spy in the Order was indeed Hestia Jones, as he had assumed.

Malfoy had not sensed Severus' hatred. Outwardly, Severus had shown the same demeanour as ever, composed and calm. Voldemort had not been the only one who had seen Malfoy's hateful glare towards Snape some days ago. Lucius had not even noticed Severus' intrusion in his mind, and Snape was too sly to let someone know what he had seen, but at that moment he had sworn that Malfoy's death would be painful.

Severus had always been a loner, and few people even knew that he had a sister. For her protection, she wore another name. Serenita was fifteen years younger than Severus, and in many aspects the opposite to him. She had black hair and white skin like her brother, but there the resemblance ended. Serenita Snape was a beautiful and delicate person, cheerful and confiding. Since the day she had beamed at her brother for the first time, he had been unable to resist her charm. He had found himself followed by a happy toddler and a cheerful girl every time he had come home. For reasons unknown, his parents had sent her to Beauxbatons instead of Hogwarts, and so it had remained nearly unknown that Snape had a sister. She was not that brilliant a witch, but her skills at Herbology were rather good. Serenita was not yet married and lived in a small cottage Snape had rented for her. In her garden, she had planted a large number of rare herbs and was happy that she could help her brother that way. She was the only person Severus could even laugh with, the only person he felt cherished by. His little sister's trust always made him feel kind of embarrassed; for her, he was the most trustworthy and honourable man in the world. Severus had not told her anything about his role as a spy in case their kinship would be discovered. He had asked her to trust him, and she did. She had been shocked when she had heard about her brother having killed Dumbledore. He had visited her shortly after the incident with the promise to explain everything later on. She had believed him.

Knowing that Malfoy was acquainted with her brother, Serenita had not been suspicious when he had appeared at her house, and she had lifted the wards. And then it had been too late. She did not know what Malfoy had done to her, did not even remember that he had been there. When Snape had visited his sister later in the afternoon and had pulled her in a hug, he had noticed a faint smell on her clothes, something he knew. He had also noticed a certain exhaustion in her face. But she had stated that she had been alone the whole day, and Severus knew that his sister would never lie to him, and had thought it a coincidence.

What he had seen in Malfoy' s memory had made Severus furious beyond imagination. It had cost him all his self-discipline to remain calm, but he had managed. He had known that his time would come.

The bloody lump which was dumped before Voldemort could hardly be recognised as a human being. His tongue had been torn out with a red-hot pincer, and his former fellow Death Eaters had taken turns in whipping him as brutally as they could. No skin was left on his muscles. His face was a mass of sheer raw flesh, his eyes not visible. Bellatrix Lestrange filled buckets with cold water and poured them over the lump that had once been Lucius Malfoy. The traitor would be conscious for the final punishment. Voldemort looked at Snape. "My dear Severus, I think you shall have the honour." He handed a big knife to Snape, who did not hesitate. He grabbed Lucius' cock and whispered in his ear, "This is for raping my sister, Malfoy!" before he began to cut pieces of flesh from Lucius' shaft and balls.

Hermione paced in her chambers. She was restless and unable to concentrate on her work. The simple potion she had wanted to prepare today, had failed. She had tried to read, but after having read the same sentence for three times without understanding a word, she gave up.

Severus had been called to Lord Voldemort. She did not know whether the trick with the Polyjuice had worked. What if Severus had been discovered a spy for Dumbledore? He had been ill. He was the best Occlumens she knew, but what if his shields were too weak now? Eventually she heard a meow, and a scratching at her door. When she opened, a rather ruffled black cat entered. When the figure shifted; and the form of Severus Snape appeared, she saw the blood on his robes and hands, and knew what had happened. Severus sat down, closing his eyes with exhaustion. After a while, he looked straight into her eyes.

"You know what I did, I made you help, and I enjoyed killing him. Can you honestly stand that?"

"Yes, I can. We are together in this. I don't understand everything, but I trust you. I don't know how to help you to carry your burden, but I will do everything I can."

Hermione knew it was wrong, but she sat down on the floor by his chair and cupped one of his long, graceful hands with one of her small ones.

She had touched him before, but this was different. She felt as if a current passed through her body, and she nearly pulled her hand away immediately. Hermione looked in Severus' face; he had an odd, absent-minded expression on his face. Had he felt it, too? No, he could not. Hermione was embarrassed and finally withdrew her hand back carefully, afraid to give away her feelings.

Severus worked hard not to jerk. When she touched his hands, his complete body reacted. The fine hairs on his body stood up, and he groaned inwardly._You have just killed a man and admitted that you enjoyed it. And there she sits, touching your hand as if you were a good person. Doesn't she realise what she does to you? All you want to do now is stripping her naked, kissing her everywhere, touching her everywhere...At first, you would trace her jaw with your fingers, would kiss her lips tenderly, your tongue would intrude into her mouth, she would respond passionately. You would cover her breasts with your thumbs and rub, until the nipples would pucker up. She would moan your name and caress your face. You would unbutton her blouse and unclasp her bra, taking her breasts into your hands, setting your mouth on the nipples, sucking on them..._

"Severus?...Severus!"

He blinked and blinked again. Reality was different. She was sitting there, smiling at him. She had no clue of what he had thought right now. She was trusting like a child. But Severus also knew that it was more than lust. He was falling in love, but he also knew he could never tell her. He would not risk to lose this friendship because of his foolish wishes which would never come true.


	8. Chapter 8

**Please consider the usual disclaimers written. Samantha Kathy, thank you again for your beta reading.**

**Please review. Reviews are an author's food; and I am starving.**

**Chapter 8**

"Hermione! Wait!" Harry took three steps at once to reach Hermione, who was on her way to the dungeons. He smiled at her. "Hey, I have not seen you for days except for the lessons. You look exhausted. Doing too much work, huh?" Hermione looked up to him. It felt good to be cared for. Yes, she was exhausted; lessons during the day and working together with Severus in the lab in the evening were taking their toll.

"Come on! Why don't you come to the common room this evening with me and Ron?... Like in the good old days." Harry smiled again, but I t was a sad smile. The forthright laughing boy was gone and had been replaced by a severe young man. Nobody laughed much these days. Dumbledore had been more than just a kind mentor for Harry. Hermione hesitated; she did not have much time, but on the other hand it would raise suspicion, if she declined all invitations of her friends. It would not help her reputation either. "Okay Harry, we'll meet at 8 o'clock there. But I am in a hurry now. I have to prepare another lesson."

Severus would not be exhilarated. No, he was not and scowled indeed. "It's a waste of time," he snarled. If he was honest to himself, he didn't so much consider it a waste of time, but did not want Hermione to spend time with Weasley, though he had to admit that they had rarely met each other during the past weeks.

"Severus, maybe some hours off will be good for both of us. We will be able to concentrate better tomorrow," Hermione replied.

In a way, Hermione was glad that she would meet her friends. The past weeks had been a heavy burden, and this evening was a welcomed distraction. ..._like in the good old days,_ Harry had said. But it was not like in the good old days. Everyone believed Dumbledore to be dead, and she could not tell anybody. Ron had barely talked to her since she had taken her N.E.W.T.s and become a teacher. Ron...she had to admit, she had barely thought of him either since the incident with Severus.

When Hermione entered the common room, Harry was sitting at the table, but Ron was missing. "Howdy, Hermione! Sit down. Yes, I know, you are looking for Ron. Well, he told me, he would come to you later on." Harry looked around and took a sip of his pumpkin juice. The cheerful chatter which had usually filled the common room, was gone. "Not much fun, huh? I am not good company these days either. I miss him so much, you know? Weird, but sometimes I think, he is with me. How is it to teach in the other classes? I bet all the students are happy to have you as a teacher and not Snape." His eyes glittered. "And _I_ would give everything just to see him only once again and to be able to kill him. I don't know who I hate more, Voldemort or Snape."

What could she say? She could not say anything about Severus and did not want to lie. "Uhm…Where's Ginny, Harry?"

"You don't want to talk about Snape, do you? Do you remember, how you have always defended him and told me that I was wrong? I was right from the beginning. I can't blame you. If even Dumbledore was fooled and the other professors...But I swear, I will kill him!" His voice became more agitated, and hatred etched his face in a way she had never seen. Hermione looked down. She so wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that Snape was not only on the side of the Light, but that he was honourable, brave, wonderful! But she was not allowed to. Hermione stood, her chair nearly toppling over. She had to go back to her rooms. "Harry, I am sorry. I have to go, I am really sorry, but..."

Harry looked after her, puzzled.

When Hermione closed the door of her office behind her, she leaned against the heavy oak and started to cry silently, her hands covering her face. It was too much for her, everything was too much for her. Why had they chosen her, an eighteen-year-old witch? When she finally wiped her tears away and opened her eyes, she looked straight at Severus Snape. He did not say a word. Had he watched her all the time?

Before she could say something, she heard a sound at her door and then a knock. "Hermione?" It was Ron. "Hermione, please open the door; I have to talk to you."

"Ron, please, can't we talk tomorrow? I don't feel well." She did not want Ron to see her crying nor did she want to talk to him while Severus could overhear their conversation.

"No, Hermione, it cannot wait. _I_ cannot wait. We have to talk." Ron's voice was earnest, and after a short hesitation Hermione opened up the door. Ron slipped in and eyed her. "You look like hell, Hermione. You have cried. Can I help you?" He touched her face considerately.

"It's all been too much, I suppose," Hermione replied lowly.

"Yeah, I know. Harry told me that you left in a hurry after he had said something about Snape. But, Hermione, that's not what I want to talk about. Look, we have always been honest to each other, and I really hate myself for avoiding you for the past weeks. I have been thinking...I can't do that. I can't deal with you being a teacher here and me a student. I thought I could, but I can't . Maybe I am not strong enough. I have always known that you are so much brighter than I am, but I thought my feelings for you would be sufficient...You know, it is so hard to always be just plain Ron Weasley. There is famous Harry Potter and there is you, the –what do they say –brightest witch of her age. And then it's me, just another Weasley and nothing else, nothing to look at and mediocre in everything. Oh yes, I am pretty good at Quidditch, but I have to work hard even for this, and it's nothing you are interested in. Do you know the jokes they make about us? 'Hey Ronnie, does your girl-friend deduct points if you don't behave?' You may call me a coward, but I cannot deal with this any longer. I need an equal and not someone who is superior to me in every aspect. Maybe you think me narrow-minded, but if you are honest to yourself, you will agree. Maybe we became sweethearts because everybody expected it or maybe there was a time when it would have worked, but this time is over. I don't think you missed me that much in the past weeks. Am I wrong? We should move on and return to the friendship we had for years, before we start to hate each other."

Ron looked at her expectantly. She knew he was right, and in a way she was relieved. With a lopsided smile Ron added, "Eventually, you will find someone who does not feel uncomfortable with a genius at his side."

With a sigh Hermione hugged Ron. "I am so sorry, Ron, but am really glad that we can remain friends," she said. "Maybe you are more mature than me after all. You are right; we are not meant for each other. Thank you, Ron."

"Okay, Hermione. I think, I will leave you alone now." Obviously relieved that everything had gone so well, Ron slipped out of the door. Hermione was still confused, but felt assuaged, too. She closed her eyes and leaned against the desk. She needed some time to calm down and to think.

The fact that she had not once thought of Ron since she had begun to work with Severus and had started her job as a teacher, spoke volumes. She was glad how Ron had handled this situation. Retrospective, she should have realised earlier that more than friendship was wrong. Granted, both of them were Gryffindor, Ron was brave and loyal, but except for these characteristic traits, they had nothing in common. Ron had mentioned several times that he would pursue a career as a professional Quidditch player, whereas Hermione felt the urge to flee every time the topic was mentioned.

Hermione craved knowledge. She read everything, yes, _everything_ . Yet, she had not been sorted into Ravenclaw. Hermione nearly smiled when she remembered the astonishment of her classmates how mousy Hermione Granger who had seemed anxious not to break rules, had developed. _She_ had been the one who had set Snape's robes on fire. _She_ had had the idea with Polyjuice. _She_ had been the one who had initiated the DADA lessons with Harry in their fifth year. Hermione was willing to take risks if necessary.

Severus! Was he such a risk? She could not understand her emotions. Her instincts screamed i caution/i where Severus was concerned. How come that she had developed feelings for him? He was definitely not the kind of man she would have chosen as a potential boy-friend. She knew she could trust him, but she also knew that he was a dangerous man. She had seen facets of him he had probably never shown to anybody, given his solitude. But she did not delude herself. He was an overbearing and often cruel man. Obviously, this was part of his personality. How often had she comforted Neville after Severus had reduced him to tears in his lessons! Not everything was part of his camouflage as a spy. He would never be _nice_ . But she had had _nice_ with Ron, and it had turned out to be a mistake. Whenever she looked at Severus, she felt butterflies in her stomach. What if she showed him that she cared for him?_Oh, yeah, Hermione Granger, the great seductress! Dream on!_ She rolled her eyes and straightened.Then she opened the door of the lab.

Snape had disappeared to the lab when he had recognised Ron Weasley. He knew that Hermione dated Weasley, and perhaps they had a lovers quarrel. Imagining Weasley's hands on her, made him furious. _Weasley is an idiot, but he is young, cheerful and not bad looking, and he is untainted. Why would she look at you, a man, twenty years her senior and ugly as sin? She would not, unless…You are a Potions master after all. She likes you, she even admires you; why shouldn't you give her a love potion? Don't you have a right of a woman in your life, too? Nobody would know. Even Dumbledore is not fully aware of your abilities. Hermione uses to drink tea with you in the evening. It would be easy to slip a potion into her tea. She trusts you…she trusts_ you.Severus shoulders slumped. He would always soil everything that was pure.

Since the night he had killed Malfoy, Hermione had haunted his dreams. He felt like a hormonal teenager again. When they worked together, he always watched her covertly. It was about to become an obsession. It was safer not to care, safer not to feel. He had always managed, and he would manage now. She had managed to crack his emotional armour, and he would be damned if he would allow her to do more damage.

When Hermione entered the lab, Severus was working on a potion. He did not look up nor did he say anything. Again, she noticed his tense demeanour and drew a deep breath. "Have I done anything wrong, Severus?"

Even now, he did not look up. "No, you did not. It is very Gryffindor to assume that something must be wrong, when I simply do not wish to talk. I am a solitary person, and I would like you to respect this. If you have hoped to get a pal for idle chatter, you will be disappointed, either if you thought I would spill my guts to a eighteen-year-old witch.

"I am sorry, Severus, I did not mean to pry."

He simply nodded and turned away. Hermione was smart enough not to say another word. But she was sure; something must have happened. An hour later, he finished his potion and filled a little vial which he handed to Hermione.

"The spy in the Order is Hestia Jones. You will have to slip her this potion as soon as possible without attracting attention. It will only cause a severe fever, hallucinations and weakness, but she will be forced to stay in bed. The antidote is unknown to a normal mediwitch. The Dark Lord would get suspicious if she died. Professor Dumbledore will deal with her later on."

A few hours later, Severus Snape left to meet the Dark Lord.


	9. Chapter 9

**Consider the usual stuff about J.K. Rowling written.**

**Thank you again for being my beta, i Wondering Witch /i ; we make a good team.**

**Chapter 9**

Voldemort was furious, and killing Malfoy had not calmed him. He could all but sense the confusion of his followers. Lucius Malfoy, of all people, had become a traitor. The victory everybody had believed to be so readily at hand after Dumbledore's death seemed to be far away now. If the Order could convince Malfoy to spy for them...

The Dark Lord smiled unpleasantly. Harsh punishments would not do. His Death Eaters would need something to restore their confidence. He narrowed his eyes to slits.

"What do you think, my dear Severus? Wouldn't another raid be a wonderful means to show the Wizarding world the strength of the most powerful wizard in the world? We should "invite" some Muggles to our festivities."

"Of course, Mylord, this is a marvellous idea. Your knowledge of the human soul is far beyond anything I could have thought of. This will be a good distraction. My faith in you is unshaken, but weaker wizards may need this now. May I ask Mylord to be allowed to continue with my research for the greater cause?" Severus replied smoothly.

"Weaker wizards? Hhm...Severus, you are my right-hand man now, but be warned, you are nothing special. It is not up to you to decide whether you will participate in anything I provide for my servants or not. For now, I will allow you to continue with your research. For your own good, you shall come up with something very useful next time. You may go. I will announce the raid for next week."

Severus Snape bowed, kissed the hem of his master's robe, and Disapparated.

During the past weeks, everybody became accustomed to the presence of the black cat heading towards the dungeons. At this time of the day, the hallways were nearly empty. Snape made sure that he was not being followed, lifted the wards and entered his former quarters. He sank on a sofa and closed his eyes, covering his face with his hands. Alone! Fortunately, Hermione was busy somewhere in the castle.

Another raid -- and he was unable to prevent this. This had always been one of the worst things he had to deal with as a spy. He groaned, and his hands trembled. He needed a drink! Snape rose and opened the corner cupboard he used to store his Firewhiskey, only to see that the house elves had removed his stock. Of course, Hermione would not need Firewhiskey. He swore, stood silently for a moment, and jerked around when he heard a voice.

"Severus?"

She was back! He fought for composure, but was not quick enough to hide the look of pain on his face. He blinked. "Another raid...next week...the quarters where your parents live. You have to inform the Order," he said hoarsely.

Hermione paled. "A raid...my parents!" Her mind raced. "We have to warn them! We can send an anonymous owl to Professor McGonagall, and I will claim that I had a dream. Everybody knows that I normally think Divination a nonsense; so they will pay attention and take the matter seriously."

"You will send the owl to Minerva McGonagall. I will fill you in on the details. We will make your parents and their neighbours participate in some neighbourhood association trip," Snape replied.

By now, Severus had found back to his normal demeanour. He felt uncomfortable that Hermione had caught him unawares, and he avoided her gaze. Hermione knew that though he had accepted her offer of friendship, he would not talk about his feelings. She felt uncertain. Should she talk? Knowing his temper, this could result in his accusing her of intruding his privacy or in ridiculing her. By now, she assumed that part of his harsh behaviour was an act of self-preservation. Hermione drew a deep breath.

"Severus, will Voldemort become suspicious if his plans are thwarted? I can only assume what you risk every day. He might also lash out at you in his rage." She hesitated. "When you were ill, I saw what he...At Order meetings, I've heard before that..."

"No need to pity me. Consider it part of my atonement." Snape replied curtly, his jaw firmly set.

"Severus, I offered you friendship, and I meant it. I have seen how you..."

Snape interrupted her again, his face remaining unreadable. "This is not important! Informing the Order is important. How I personally deal with this situation does not matter. What do you expect me to do?" His lips curled in a sneer. "Weep on your shoulder?"

"Severus, you may think me too young to be a real friend. I would never claim to fully understand what you have to endure, but don't think me blind and dumb," Hermione replied calmly.

Severus was impressed. She _really_ was extraordinary. Not only had she come up with a manageable suggestion though he had informed her only moments before that her parents were affected, but she withstood every effort he made to push her away. He did not answer, but obviously Hermione had not expected him to do so.

After making plans how to inform the Order and to arrange for the safety of her parents and their neighbours, they sat together in the living room. Hermione did not try to resume their former conversation but to find some kind of distraction. She made tea and sat down on the sofa, watching him carefully. Not long ago he had been her teacher, respected and trusted, but utterly feared and despised. If anybody had asked her then if she thought Snape handsome, she would have laughed out loud. Joke of the year! But now? He was fascinating and, ridiculous as it seemed, he _was_ handsome. Yes, his nose was hooked and too big, but his eyes! During the past weeks she had seen these eyes without the usual mask of hostility. They were nearly black and the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen.

_He is so brave; he risks his life every time he meets Voldemort, and you have not even thanked him_. Hermione cleared her throat.

"Severus, I want to thank you. If not for you, my parents would die together with other innocent people." To her horror, her eyes suddenly filled with tears and she began to sob. "I don't know why I am weeping now, you told me that they would be safe...It is not that I had that many friends before...I am relieved that it's over with me and Ron..." Tears streamed down her face, and she looked away, mortified. "Professor Dumbledore was wrong to choose me to help you. I am afraid, Severus, so afraid, and I cannot tell anyone. I am alone." It was as if a dam had broken; Hermione sobbed and cried helplessly in a complete emotional breakdown. Suddenly she felt herself being pulled into a gentle hug.

Severus was definitely not the hugging or touching type. He felt rather helpless with the crying woman in front of him. But he understood from her incoherent sentences that she and Weasley had broken up and that she felt lonely. When her words sank in, he also understood that she was a loner in the same way he had been in his youth. She had two male comrades, Weasley and Potter, and one younger friend, Ginny Weasley, but she had never been part of a clique.

He now remembered a remark of hers in the beginning of their forced cooperation. Irritated by her presence, he had told her to spend some time with her former mates. "No one will really miss me," she had replied. He had not really paid attention then, but it made sense now. Her new position as a teacher had not made her more popular either. She had always been looked at as an over-achiever; he himself had chastised and ridiculed her countless times. He cringed inwardly at this thought. When she had offered him her friendship, it had not been her pity for a loner, but rather the insight that he was as lonely as she felt herself. She had probably hoped for his affection, too. The outwardly bold Hermione was, in truth, an insecure person.

Severus fetched his handkerchief and then enfolded Hermione gently in his arms, stroking her hair and trying to convince himself that it was merely for unselfish reasons than the wish to hold her in his arms. When her sobs finally subsided and she looked up, he handed her his handkerchief, fearing he would appear brash if he wiped her tears away. She looked at him with her tearstained face and her puffy eyes, and he wondered how he, how anyone, could have called her plain. To him, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

When Hermione was finally able to look up, Severus' face wore an expression she had never seen, a gentleness she would never have expected. He had not chastised her for her tears, but had comforted her. He liked her. Severus' arms around her, they had felt so good! At first she had only sensed the comfort, but after a while she had become aware of his arms holding her, of the heat his body radiated and the soap he used. A tingling had crawled down her spine when she had leaned against his chest. She drew herself out of his arms, blinked and tried to smile. "Uhm…That was...I am sorry…Thank you...I...With you, I...I feel safe and comforted. It is good to have you as a friend. Severus, I am sorry, but I am really tired. Good night, Severus." She rose and scurried towards the bathroom, completely embarrassed.

Hermione lay awake. Every time she closed her eyes, the image of Severus Snape appeared, his eyes resting with tenderness on her, with more than tenderness, with passion, his fingertips caressing her cheek, his lips raining feathery kisses all over her body. She remembered too well the night when she had seen him nearly naked on his bed, only clad in his boxers. And now she knew how it felt to be held in his arms. All the desperation, she had felt before, had vanished. He had enfolded her in his arms, and everything had been right.

This was, how it should be, this was how love should be. Never before, she had felt a sexual attraction this strong. When she had read romance novels and read about the sexual tension which nearly crackled like electricity, she had thought these the normal exaggerations of sentimental reading. It was the way these novels got sold; love at first sight and illusions of happily ever after. The heroes were all six foot four, with broad shoulders and muscles rippling their chests and arms, were extraordinarily handsome and smiled brightly. And now she felt the same, though the man of her dreams was not exactly a poster boy for a romance novel. From an objective point of view, he was definitely _not_ what she needed.

Some years ago, she had talked to her grandmother about the one true love she hoped to find one day and had asked her how she would know if he was love. Her grandmother had said, 'If you meet Mr. Right, you will know. There will be no doubt.' She had loved to talk to her grandmother about that, because she had seen that she loved her husband with all her heart, even after all these years of marriage. But Severus Snape, aka Mr. Right? Yeah, right, dream on! She had not even kissed the man. But Hermione had always been honest to herself. His feelings for Severus Snape were beyond lust and beyond a crush. What should she do?

She hated beating about the bush, and she had never been the "seduction-type". She would feel ridiculous if she tried to wear short skirts and low cut shirts to entice Severus. She was also tired of trying to earn acceptance; she wanted to be liked and loved the way she was. She would not model herself to the expectations of other people, not even Severus'. Yes, tomorrow, she would try to tell him somehow that she liked him, more than liked him. She was no coward after all.

In the connecting room, Severus Snape did not sleep either. He had seen how comfortable Hermione felt in his presence. He had seen how she had watched him, musing. He had seen the warmth in her eyes. He had seen how she had looked at him after he had held her. Holding her in his arms was a moment he would cherish for the rest of his life. It had felt so good. Long lost feelings had arisen in him. He nearly snorted; "arisen" was definitely the right word. He was lucky that she had not noticed anything. But although it had been the normal reaction of a man to a woman, this was different. When he visited the whores in Knockturn Alley, it was solely for sexual relief, but holding Hermione in his arms had been how it should be. He desired her, and he loved her. If he had seen any kind of reaction in her eyes, he would have kissed her, not caring that it was not appropriate. If she had only touched his hand or his arm after this hug, he would have been lost.

For some moments, he had hoped that something else beyond friendship could emerge between them. And then, all his hopes had been shattered. He had seen the embarrassment in her eyes, and then she had said that she had felt safe and comforted in his presence, safe and comforted. Obviously, she saw a fatherly friend in him, a mentor, but nothing else. How ridiculous his feelings were! If only he could switch them off! 'Nox!' He laughed mirthlessly. Tired, he was so tired of everything. Finally, he fell into a light slumber.

Hermione was confused. He had been so gentle and kind, and now he seemed to be as distant as a few weeks before. When she had told him how she liked to be in his presence, he had only looked at her with a stern face and thanked her politely. Probably he thought her a liability now, the "silly little girl" she had always been to him. How could she ever hope to win his affection, least his love! Besides their work, they did not share the conversation or even his nearly-teasing which she had become so accustomed to. In the evenings, he would tell her that he was tired. She did not say much, only bade him a monosyllabic "good night".

Severus felt her disappointment, but he felt unable to change his behaviour. He had to detach himself. He would never gain her love. Probably he should be content to have her friendship; it was more than he had ever had before. But all he felt, was emptiness.


	10. Chapter 10

**Dear Wondering Witch, thank you so much for your quick and kind beta-reading. **

**Please review. I'd really like to know whether you like my story. Critical remarks are welcome, too.**

**Chapter 10**

Empty. The houses they had chosen for the raid were empty. They searched every single house – nothing! Attacking this quarter had seemed perfect. The parents of that filthy Muggle friend of Potter's, Granger, lived there. How could this have happened? This day should have been a triumph, and now it was yet another failure. The Death Eaters gathered in confusion. The following festivities with the usual orgies were not enough to calm them, and Voldemort began to worry seriously. Time was running out; he would have to lure Harry Potter to his lair as soon as possible, or his servants would lose their trust in him.

Ron Weasley was in a bad mood. How he hated to be poor! Did his parents even know what it was like to wear the robes of his elder brothers or even worse of other relatives? He'd nearly died of humiliation when he had to wear a robe which had belonged to a_woman_ before. Did they know how it was never to get new books? The only new broom he had ever got was a _Cleansweep 11_, nothing special, and of course the Slytherins had mocked him. Yes, he had been grateful, his parents could not afford more, but they did not understand him. They seemed to be perfectly happy, and they always told him that a good family life was better than new robes. He loved his siblings, except Percy, of course. He also loved his parents dearly and even admired them, his mother for her work for the Order and his father for his moral standards, but sometimes he wished…

Ron had counted his savings, but it was not nearly enough to buy a new broom, and he desperately needed one. Maybe his broom would carry him through another match, but maybe not. He was good at Quidditch now, but with this broom he was simply too slow. Perhaps if he looked for sales...He would go to Hogsmeade this weekend but alone. He did not want any of his friends to pity him for not being able to buy a decent broom. Least of all, he wanted Harry offering to borrow or even bestow him the money.

Finally, the last lesson on Friday was over, and he slipped out of the castle, and made his way to the village. As a student of the seventh year, he was allowed to visit Hogsmeade without a written permission. His heart sank while he wandered around and looked at the shops. Few sales and even these few sales were too expensive for him. But there! There was a new store. It had to be new. He had never seen it before and the sign read _BROOMS WITH LITTLE FLAWS FOR SALE_. Well, that was it! A little flaw at the handle, that was bearable. If he polished it well, nobody would even notice. He opened the door and was greeted by an eager little wizard who led him to the cheapest brooms he had ever seen.

At lunch, Ron took the seat next to Harry in the Great Hall as usual. "Hi Harry, got a minute later on? I'd like to ask you a favour," he asked, chewing his meat, and grinned." Harry stayed as asked; he noticed that Ron's bad mood was gone and was curious what had happened.

"Harry, you know my old broom is crap. Today I have been in Hogsmeade and have found a new store. They've got really cheap brooms. You are the best Quidditch player I've ever seen; help me to choose a broom." Harry's eyes gleamed. New brooms! Of course he would accompany Ron! Professor McGonagall hat told him to be careful and not to go away alone, but Hogsmeade was safe, and besides he was with Ron.

The little store had to be new indeed. Harry had never seen it before either. These brooms in the shop, Ron was right, they had excellent prices. Maybe Harry would buy a backup-broom, just in case his broom broke like in his third year. They entered and were lucky. Harry and Ron were the only customers at the moment and the shop-owner was very oblinging. _Yes, he had a great stock of brooms. If the gentlemen were so kind to follow him to the rear of the store? And if the gentlemen would like to examine the brooms thouroughly; these flaws were hardly noticable._

Harry did not notice Ron's glassy eyes and touched the broom, suddenly feeling the familiar jerk behind his navel as he was whisked away. Stupid! How could he have been so stupid? It had been a trap! He did not have time to fetch his wand from his sleeve, and he looked into the triumphant face of the evil wizard who pointed his wand at him. Harry heard Voldemort's laughter and knew he was going to die.

"Finally!" Voldemort hissed. "All these times you escaped by lucky coincidence. But now you are alone; none of your precious friends is with you. Your great protector being dead, everbody will see that you are nothing but a boy who learned a few tricks. There is no greater wizard than me. But I have waited too long to abstain from a little enjoyment. Crucio!" Harry fell to the ground writhing in agony, and through the mist before his eyes Harry heard the Death Eaters cheer and laugh. From the corner of his eye, he saw the distant figure of Severus Snape hurrying towards Voldemort, his robes billowing behind him.

Harry groaned, clenching his hands to his robes in pain. "Though Dumbledore was killed, i he /i was the greatest wizard of all times. He will always be remembered by his friends, even when I am dead."

Voldmort chuckled. "Hear, hear, still defending him? How noble! Look, what his gullability cost him. You cannot escape this time, and now we will see how you beg for your life. Of course, you will recognise this spell." He raised his wand. "Sectum..." But then he stopped in horror, his eyes not prepared for the person who appeared at Harry's side out of thin air: Albus Dumbledore! Voldemort heard him shouting something to Snape and then, before he could react, Dumbledore clutched Harry's robe, and both of them disappeared.

Strangely enough, the traitor remained. He had not even moved. When Snape heard Voldemort uttering the spell, he knew that this one was as deadly for him as the Killing Curse. He fell to the ground, and the Death Eaters left his body behind as a reminder what would happen to traitors.

Hermione was restless. Every time Severus was gone, she was anxious until he was back safely. She was glad that she only had to teach first years today. This did not take all her strength. She was writing the ingredients of a simple potion on the board when she suddenly heard hell break loose outside the classroom. Then the door was torn open and a little Hufflepuff came running in gasping. "Professor Dumbledore! He is not dead! He is back! He is alive!"

_Thank God, everything is over_. "Have you seen Professor Snape? Is he with Professor Dumbledore?" Hermione asked.

The girl paused, realising the fact that the headmaster was alive meant Snape was no murderer. "I have not see him, but I have not paid attention."

Hermione hurried outside. Severus! Perhaps the girl had had only eyes for Dumbledore, but then again...Fear gripped her heart. She raced to the Great Hall, seeing Dumbledore and Harry amidst a great crowd, a deafening noise surrounding them. Dumbledore looked up and met Hermione's gaze across the students. She stopped dead in her tracks and knew. Severus – he was dead! Then everything went black.

Hermione awoke in the infirmary. When she opened her eyes, she looked at Albus Dumbledore's worried face. She struggled to sit up, still dizzy, and looked at him. "Did you find him?" she croaked finally.

Dumbldore sighed and nodded sadly. "We found him; they left him behind. We brought him to Hogwarts, but I am afraid..."

Hermione did not wait for further explanation and got out of the bed with strain. "I want so see him. Where is he?"

Dumbledore led her into the connecting room. A still form was lying on a bed as if sleeping, but Madam Pomfrey only looked at Dumbledore and Hermione with sad eyes. "My potions don't work. He is in a coma, and I cannot identify the spell he has been hit by. His heart is beating, but... There is nothing I can do. We cannot administer potions, because there is no swallowing reflex. He would suffocate."

"Professor Dumbledore," Hermione pleaded. "Surely you know the most complicated curses. You can identify the spell, you can..." Her voice trailed away when she saw Dumbledore shaking his head, tears in his eyes.

"It is my fault," the Headmaster said hoarsely. "I'm so sorry. I saw him standing at Tom's side and I told him to Disapparate, but he did not even move. He stayed there, he, he wanted to die. I did not know..." His voice broke. Finally, he whispered, "But I should have known, I should have sensed that he was too tired to live on. Years ago he told me that he had nothing to live for and that our cause was worth do die for. I should have protected him, too. I was supposed to be his friend. I failed...I..." Albus Dumbledore covered his face with his hands and wept.

Eventually he looked up. "Hermione, Severus gave me something for you. He...". The old wizard cleared his throat, tears running down his cheeks and handed a scroll to Hermione. "He told me to give you this in case...You might read it now as well."

Hermione's trembling hands unrolled the scroll.

_Dear friend,_

_By the time you get this letter, I will have passed on. I have always known that it would be only a matter of time. My death does not matter. My usefulness for the Order is over now and so is the purpose of my life. I only hope that I could atone for a small amount of my deeds._

_I want you to know that I cherished these past few weeks very much. Having a friend in my life who appreciated me despite everything I have done was more than I would ever have expected, least deserved._

_I have seen how you admired my library. The books shall belong to you, and perhaps you will sometimes think of me reading them._

_Yours,_

_Severus _

Hermione collapsed and cried helplessly. Harry and Ron watched her, confused.

When rumour spread through the Wizarding world that Snape lay in the infirmary, dying, delegates from the Ministry came to Hogwarts, and of course Rita Skeeter tried to sneak in.

Hermione sat beside Snape's bed for hours. At first, she had been convinced that there would be a solution and that Severus would finally wake up, but now it was obvious for her that there was no hope. He was wasting away; he would die. They had even fetched a wizard who was familiar with Muggle methods like intravenous administering of potions, but it was futile. Hermione heard an employee of the Ministry talking to Dumbledore about Snape's upcoming funeral, how this would be an excellent opportunity for the Minister of Magic to deliver a speech about the efforts of the Ministry to deal with the Dark Lord. Dumbledore's eyes went cold, and he told the wizard to get out before he would hex him.

Severus' skin was grey, his cheekbones and his nose more prominent than ever. Dumbledore had hired an assistant who only attended to Severus, a young beautiful witch named Serenita Aspen. She sat at his bed for hours, watching him. Hermione was touched to see how she took Severus' fate to her heart, though she did not know him. She even saw tears in her eyes. Despite all her efforts, Madam Pomfrey could not identify the spell. Nevertheless, Serenita brought textbooks from the library, hoping she would find something. But everything was in vain. Four days, maybe five and then…

Hermione took comfort in the knowledge that Severus did not suffer. According to Madam Pomfrey, he was in a deep coma, his eyes showing no reflexes, his body not feeling anything. But she was wrong. What nobody knew was that Severus Snape heard, smelt and felt everything that surrounded him or was done to him. He felt the hands on his body, heard the conversations at his bed. He wanted to cry, wanted to move, but could not. He was thirsty and hungry beyond imagination, and he knew he would die. Voldemort had chosen this spell well. Obviously, he had decided not to use the Killing Curse now that he knew that Dumbledore had survived this one.

Finally, they brought Severus to his former quarters to die in dignity. Hermione moved to the guest rooms.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Please do so in future; I really appreciate everything and, of course, critical remarks and hints too.**

**Dear_Wondering Witch_ , I'd like to say thank you again; you are a kind and encouraging beta and a very quick one, too**.

**Chapter 11**

Hermione entered Severus' bedroom. She had been allowed to visit him one last time. Two big chandeliers stood beside his bed. He lay there, fully clothed in his robes._As if he were already dead, as if this were a wake_. Hermione shuddered at the thought. She sat down at his bed.

"I came to say a final good-bye, Severus," she whispered and touched his hand. "Why did you want to die? Why did you say that it does not matter? It _does_ matter. To me. Hmm! Why do people always talk to the dying or to the dead, when it is too late to change anything? Probably I'd never have found the courage to tell you, tell you that I had fallen in love with you; you would have laughed at me or belittled me, thought it a schoolgirl crush.

"But it was no crush, Severus. At first I thought it was hero worship, or a result of being thrown together in an unusual situation. How could I fall for you?" She paused, her voice thick with tears, and caressed his cheek. "But I did, and cannot help it. You probably would have been shocked if you had known plain Hermione Granger was having sexual fantasies about her former teacher. I dreamt of you kissing and touching me, making love to me. I only wish I'd had the chance to get to know you better. Do you remember when you took me in your arms? It felt so good, and I wished it had been for more than only for comfort. I will cherish that moment forever. You were the only man who has ever made me really feel.

"In that moment, I knew what it meant to love. I even tried to tell you the next day, but you were so distant. Would things have changed if you had known that I love you? You know, at your funeral all these i vultures /i will appear and say something about you having been a hero. Many of them will claim that they had always known you were no traitor. Your name will even appear in the new edition of _Hogwarts: A History_ . But nobody will really remember _you_ . I promise, Severus, I will. In death you are mine. I can dream about what could have been. Let me kiss you this one time. Oh, how desperate I must be, kissing a dying man who cannot refuse."

Hermione stood and placed a tender kiss on Severus' pale lips, then turned toward the door to leave. When she heard a moan and saw a slight stir, she whirled around and rushed to Severus' bed. His eyelids fluttered and closed again: He was out of the coma! "Madam Pomfrey!" Hermione shrieked and ran out of the room to fetch the matron.

Severus was brought to the infirmary at once; he was unconscious again, but now his eyes showed reflexes, and Madam Pomfrey hoped she would be able to heal him. Everybody asked Hermione what had happened, but she said she really did not know; it was only suddenly and by chance had she noticed the stir. She had been too embarrassed to tell them that she had actually kissed her former Potions master. Besides, it was a coincidence, wasn't it?

After a short time, the administered potions began showing an effect; he would live. He was still very exhausted and slept for hours, as he was too weak to leave the bed. Hermione spent most of her spare time in the infirmary, watching him. She did not know what had rescued him, but it did not matter; he was alive.

"Hi, Hermione!" Ginny entered Hermione's rooms and pulled her in a hug. "You okay? You look better today. When I saw you fainting in the Great Hall and then breaking down later on in the infirmary, I was worried. Professor Dumbledore told us that you helped him and Snape with that scheme. It must have been pretty hard not to mention anything to anybody. Um, Hermione? I've heard that you are visiting Snape all the time. Is there something you want to tell me?"

Hermione remained silent. What could she say? Even her best friend would think her crazy. Ginny only rolled her eyes. "Hermione, you cannot sit all day at Snape's bed and expect me to believe that there's nothing going on."

Hermione looked up. "I know it sounds crazy, but...you know, he's different than everybody believes. In fact, he can be quite...and I cannot believe that I thought him ugly before...He is..." She paused, completely embarrassed.

Ginny looked stunned. "You've got a crush on Snape, of all people?"

"No, Ginny, it's worse. I love him," Hermione replied, finally determined to stick to her feelings for Severus and waiting for Ginny to laugh out loud. But Ginny did not laugh.

"Does he know, Hermione?" she asked quietly.

"No, he does not. I've never told him. When I visited him in his chambers for the final good-bye, I…well, talked a little. More to myself, you know? But this was before he woke up. I am positive that he did not hear anything."

"What do you think would he say if he knew?" Ginny asked.

"He'd be embarrassed. He would not want my love. You know, it's weird. When he lay there unconsciously and I was sure he would die, I could tell him that I loved him. I even told him that I wished he knew, but now I am not sure whether I want him to know. During these past weeks, he accepted my offer of friendship. If he knew that I have fallen in love with him, I would lose that. I cherish this friendship very much, more than I can tell. It is probably better not to tell him though it hurts."

Ginny nodded.

"And how are we today, Severus?" the matron asked jovially. Snape had been at the infirmary for three days and regained most of his strength. Now that everybody knew about his role in Dumbledore's scheme, Snape made the headline of every newspaper available. The visitors nearly stood in line to shake his hand; they wanted to pay tribute to a hero. Snape dismissed them all indignantly, growling that he did not need all these hypocrites. Who he missed was Hermione. Madam Pomfrey had told him that she had spent hours beside his bed when he had been unconscious. But now that he felt better, she came only infrequently. She had told him how glad she was that he was alive, and she had had tears in her eyes, but she had not said a word about love. He had not expected her to say this with the matron or other visitors around, but even when they were alone, she remained silent. Only once, she had let her guards down, and he had seen longing and pain in her eyes, but only for a moment. Then, it was gone. Obviously, she did not know that he had heard everything she had said, believing him in a coma.

The other welcomed visitor had been Albus Dumbledore. When Severus had opened his eyes in the infirmary, Albus had been sitting beside his bed, relief in his eyes.

"Severus, I thought I'd never see you alive again. I failed you. I should have told you how much you mean to me. You have always been more to me than a fellow Order member or a colleague. Obviously, it takes a catastrophe to become aware of the value of friendship. Your role as a spy is over, but I would be glad if you could accept me as a friend and not only as a superior." Dumbledore paused and looked at Severus, musing.

"I take it that you have developed a certain friendship and more with Miss Granger. No, before you say something, hear me out. I nearly expected this. During the past few years, I have been astonished by your hostility and impatience towards her, your inability to pay tribute to her work, though her potions have always been flawless, as has been her behaviour towards you. This level was unusual, even for you. I did a little research myself, and was none too surprised to discover that you are soul mates." Noticing the unbelieving expression on Severus' face, he continued. "It is not as unusual as it seems to be at first sight. Your subconscious noticed a certain similarity between the both of you, yet your mind refused to acknowledge this. Both of you recognised the pull when she became of age. Severus, she is not your student any longer, and I dare say it's time for a little grasp of happiness for yourself. Think about it." With these words Dumbledore rose and left the infirmary.

Severus remained silent for a while. Soul mates! This was the explanation why he had fallen in love with her so quickly and vice versa.

Weeks before, Severus Snape would have snorted at the idea that he would miss the company of a human being. He had always been the poster boy for a loner. But lying in the infirmary and having much time to think, Severus missed Hermione. Knowing that they were soul mates and that she loved him had changed much, though a gnawing doubt remained. What would happen if he gave in to his feelings? Severus Snape and Hermione Granger – what would everybody say? Not that he cared much about what people thought of him, but what would i she /i have to endure? Mockery? Disgust?

When he had lain in his quarters, paralysed by the spell, and she had told him that she loved him, he had _wanted_ to live for the first time in years. To know that he was loved had made him wish that he could grasp life. At the same time, he knew his very nature; his sarcasm, his penchant for cruelty, his solitary nature, and his overbearance. He would not change much; this he was sure of. Would she be able to deal with this, or would she hate him after a while? One thing was sure; if he did not try, he would never know.

What would reality do to their feelings? They had not even kissed yet, save for when he lie paralysed and seemingly in a coma. He was startled then to realise that her love for him was true even without that. He craved touching her even more than before, now that he knew she loved him. But he was also self-conscious about his outer appearance. He had always been told that he was ugly. He hated his nose, his lanky hair that did not improve though he washed it daily; he hated his sallow skin and his thin, scarred body. She had said that she had dreamt about touching him. What would she do, facing reality? In his sleepiness, his wishes became true.

_She came to him, her hands outstretched towards him and her eyes dancing with laughter. She embraced him and slipped her hand in his shirt, caressing his skin, not caring that she touched his ugly scars. She tilted her head up to him, gazed at him as if he were handsome. Then she opened the buttons of his shirt and placed soft kisses on his chest._

Hermione was grading first-years' essays. Her headache increased. Dunderheads! Even the simplest potions... She chuckled. If Severus could hear her now -- Severus. He had been released from the infirmary and would return to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts in a few days. She had not yet had the opportunity to talk to him very much.

Everything would change soon. Now that Dumbledore was back and Hogwarts was considered a _secure_ school again, a new Potions master had applied for the job and had been accepted. He would arrive next week, and Hermione would leave Hogwarts. The term at university had already begun, but thanks to Dumbledore pulling a few strings, Hermione had gotten permission from the Ministry to shorten her study. One year, and she would be a Potions mistress. She would certainly write to Severus, but perhaps it was better not to see him again despite everything she had said to Ginny.

A knock on the door disturbed her thoughts. "Enter!" Hermione looked up and glanced at a still pale and haggard looking Severus. He looked at her with these beautiful eyes, and she had to clear her thoughts. _Don't go there! He's here to say good-bye. _

He remained silent for a while, searching her face. "Hermione," he began softly. "I wondered why you have made yourself rather scarce. Then I was told that you would leave Hogwarts in a few days."

Hermione blushed. "I had much work to do. Of course, I would have said good-bye to you, Severus; after all, we are friends. I will certainly write to you once I have settled in." I_ have been definitely sorted into the wrong House. I am a coward; I can't tell him. Oh, Severus, please don't ask! No, you won't laugh, but you would pity me. Please just go!_

Severus traced his lips with a finger, musing, as if waiting for something. "You have never asked about the spell I was hit by. The Dark Lord did not trust the Killing Curse because it failed with Dumbledore. But he thought this spell to be as lethal as the Killing Curse for me. Hermione, have you ever heard of _Mors Sine Amore_ ?

Hermione blushed, and her eyes widened. How silly she had been! She had preferred not to think about it. Who had ever had the idea to call her a bright witch? Muggle psychologists called this repression. _Mors Sine Amore_ She remembered, the curse had been mentioned briefly in a DADA book. Only the kiss of a loving person, not just any kiss, could save someone who was hit by this curse. He knew, and he had heard every single word she had said while she had thought him in a coma. He probably wanted to thank her for saving his life. Her face tightened and she tensed.

"You will live, and that is what matters. I would not have," her words became nearly inaudible, "bothered you. I know that you don't reciprocate my feelings. I only dreamt. Please, go." She turned around and waited for the click of the door that never came.

"I have dreamt, too." Severus said, and then she felt his arms around her waist and her shoulders, turning her around.

_He had dreamt, too_.Hermione's breath caught. _He had feelings for her, too_.

She looked up at his dark eyes burning in his face. Then his hands held her face in place, strong and gentle. His thumb brushed a line along her jaw and chin, and then his lips came slowly down on her, the usually grim mouth softer and gentler than she would have expected, lips warm and tender. He drew back and gazed anew at her, his eyes showing the unspoken question and searching within her heart. Hermione pulled him near again, looked up to him, and kissed him back, not hesitatingly, but with vehemence. He parted his lips for her and let her tongue intrude. He heard her soft gasps of air when they moved apart. Hermione looked into his face and saw how his mouth moved in an almost shy smile. And then there was nothing shy about him when he dipped his head again and kissed her. She felt his arms around her, his fingers on her hair and on her neck, on her arms and wandering down to her derriere. Oh, yes! When she was pressed firmly against him, she noticed that he had, indeed, rather _big_ feelings for her.

"Oh, Severus," Hermione whispered, her voice thick with emotion, "I am so happy. I'd never thought..."

"Hermione", he whispered eventually. "I know that you don't have much time now, because another lesson is about to begin soon and I am busy, too, but would you come to my chambers this evening?"

Hermione could only nod.

"I have to go; Professor Dumbledore is expecting me." He kissed her slightly again and left. Hermione returned to her desk, still stunned.

Another knock at the door, and Hermione yanked it open. "Severus, did you…? " But she did not look into the black eyes of Severus Snape but the green ones of Harry Potter.

"So it's _Severus_ now," he said in a low and dangerous tone. "Hermione, I've heard rumours, but I could not believe that they were true, until I saw Snape come out of your rooms. And the way you look, you have not only been talking." He paused. "Hermione, do you need this? He's old, he's ugly and he's mean. I would not mind, if that is what you want, but – and I really would like you to think about that – he's a murderer. He is as guilty of murdering my parents as if he had spoken the Killing Curse himself. Choose, Hermione, but if you decide it's him you want, you cannot be friends with me any longer." Without giving her an opportunity to answer, Harry left.

Neither of them saw the figure of the Potions master hiding in the shadows.

Hermione hurried towards the dungeons. She was still shocked about what Harry had said. It had hurt, but if she had to decide, she would choose Severus. When she entered Severus' chambers, she saw him sitting at his desk, still working. He did not rise at once, but looked at her, his eyes different, his demeanour tense. "Hermione, it is good you could come," he said stiffly and rose, ushering her towards the sofa while he said down on the easy chair. "I must apologise for my behaviour this afternoon. It was not fair. I took advantage…"

"Severus, what do you mean? I thought, we..." Hermione interrupted, shocked.

"Please, hear me out. I came to thank you this afternoon, and I know that I owe you my life. I got carried away. I admit I was flattered getting to know that you are in love with me. Women do not exactly stand in line for me. But honestly, besides the kind of understanding we developed there is nothing more than -- let's name it properly -- a certain physical attraction. You deserve more. Beginning this kind of relationship would be taking advantage of you."

Hermione sat motionless. Yes, he had feelings for her, but it was not love, it was only lust. She could only be glad that he had been so honest and honorable. Hermione felt the tears brimming in her eyes. No, she would not cry in front of him. "So, that's it, then," she said and stood. "Damn you, Severus." She all but fled from his rooms.

When the door closed behind her, Severus sat motionless for a moment. Then he grabbed the bottle of Firewhisky on the nearby table and hurled it against the wall. _Damn me? Too late, I have been damned long before we met._Still, he felt the taste of her lips on his, felt her hands around his neck, her fingers on his face. When she had kissed him, for the first time in years, he had not thought of his past at all. But reality had caught up with him very quickly, and his hope to find happiness once in his life had been a delusion. The moment he had heard Potter talk to Hermione, he had realised that he could not do this to her. The truth was, Potter was right. He i was /i a murderer. And it would always be this way. As much as he tried to atone for his sins, it simply did not work. He did not deserve her.

When Hermione left Hogwarts for good a few days later, he stood in an alcove, hiding from her view. With one last glance at her, he went back to his dungeons, his shoulders hunched, moving slowly like an old man. He did not see Ginny Weasley watching him, puzzled.

**Author's Notes**:

1) While Severus and Hermione are kissing for the first time, another scene is playing in my head over and over again. It would have been mean to spoil the romantic mood, but I sooo long to tell you.

"Severus, I have dreamt of kissing you for such a long time."

"Hmm!"

"I have realised that dreams are highly overrated."

Severus tensed.

"Reality is better!"

2) The spell _Mors Sine Amore_ is bad Latin. Mors death, sine without and Amor love. If I remember correctly, sine requires the ablative.


	12. Chapter 12

**Dear _Wondering Witch_ , thank you again for your beta reading. sending flowers, hugs and kisses**

**Another thank you to all reviewers. Until now, I have updated rather quickly. My next chapter will need some time, partly because of a planned lemon**.

**Chapter 12**

Severus Snape did not have much time to muse about his decision. His life had changed irrevocably: He was a hero now.

When Severus had reassumed his task as the DADA teacher, he had been in for quite a shock. Over years, he had deliberately and carefully built a reputation as Hogwart's most feared teacher. Nobody had challenged his authority, nobody had dared to contradict him, and nobody had felt the urge to ask foolish questions or to play a trick on him. Even the Weasley twins had been remarkably well behaved during his lessons. This was how Snape liked it; this was how it should be, orderly and predictable. He needed this order now more than ever. Order prevented him from losing his stability completely. But now his life was upside down.

His first lesson after leaving the infirmary had seemed to be rather normal at the beginning. He had entered in his customary dramatic way and had stood in front of his class, scowling as usual. Strange enough, they had not been intimidated; all of them had stood up and applauded. Well, not _all_of them; Harry Potter had remained in his seat and had looked at him with a gaze of pure hatred. Severus had expected Potter's reaction; it was what he deserved, but why did the other students...? Oh yes, he was a hero now, a damned hero.

Snape was not used to anyone applauding him and had not been prepared for what had followed. The girls had hung at his lips. He had looked into infatuated eyes and smiling faces. When he had towered over Lavender Brown, who had gazed at him with wide, wooing eyes, she had not shrunk away. After class, she had even come to his desk and asked for an autograph. Him, Severus Snape, an autograph! She had not been the only one. He was the only male teacher under forty and now a constant target of hormonal, giggling girls. Severus overheard conversations that made him shudder. _It is sooo romantic, and to think that he has been a spy for years; it's wonder he's so dark. He's like one of these brooding heroes in my novels. A man does not need to be u that /u handsome. But he sure is sexy. He only needs the right woman and a bit of shampoo._ Another giggle!

Rita Skeeter had asked for an interview. Of course, he had declined, but that did not keep her from writing an article.

_As Severus Snape confided to star reporter Rita Skeeter, he has renounced a romantic relationship for years because of his duties as a spy. The uncommunicative professor is, in truth, a romantic man. A tragic and false decision in his youth led to a disaster. He has suffered for years to repay. The world needs heroes like Severus Snape. Our hope is that now that his role as a spy is over, he may find the witch he deserves_.

Severus Snape had run but in vain. He became more irritated than ever. The only person he was friendly with was Serenita Aspen.

Serenita had remained at Hogwarts. Sometimes work was too much for Madam Pomfrey, and she was glad to have a helping hand. Serenita Aspen had seemed to be a remote and sad person at first, but turned out to be good humoured and outgoing. She had a kind word for everyone, and soon, young wizards of the seventh year showed up at the infirmary with all sorts of minor injuries just to see her. She was a beauty, indeed; raven-haired, with delicate white skin, a winning smile, and big dark eyes. Snape's omnipresent sneer crackled a little when Serenita appeared.

Hermione slumped in an armchair. Decorating and furnishing a flat was exhausting, even for a witch. She had tried different colours for the walls and carpets, and different kinds of wood for her furniture. A few trunks and boxes were still standing in the living room and pictures were leaning against the wall, but Hermione had been busy. The apartment was really nice. Tomorrow, she would put her books on the shelves. A knock at the door disturbed her thoughts. When she opened, she looked at a rather embarrassed looking Harry. "May I come in, Hermione?"

Hermione smiled and opened the door wide, letting him in. She was glad that Harry had found his way. He had been one of her two best friends over the years, and the encounter at her rooms had been the last time she had seen him.

"Hermione, I, uhm, want to apologise. I should not have shouted at you. I could not understand...But obviously you and Snape are not an item. I wanted to check whether you were okay." He paused bashfully.

"I'm fine, Harry, everything is okay," Hermione lied.

Harry sighed, assuaged. "I'm glad. I'm really glad that your feelings for him were not that, uhm... Furthermore, it seems he has found himself a girlfriend. I don't know what she sees in him. It's Madam Pomfrey's new assistant. All the girls at Hogwarts have gone crazy. Snape is a great hero, and nobody cares what he has done. Nobody cares that he is a murderer," he added bitterly. "Anyway, he was not worth it. Hermione, can you forgive me?"

Hermione knew that Harry wanted to comfort her by telling that Snape had found a girlfriend, and tried to hide how much it hurt her. "I'm glad we're friends again Harry," she replied, and let herself be pulled into a firm hug.

Of course Severus had not needed her, and had realised it immediately. She had seen for herself how Severus had been idolised shortly before she had left Hogwarts. One day when she had left the infirmary after a visit, Lavender Brown hat looked at her with a gaze that said _Time to remove yourself, wallflower. He can do better now. _

It was time to move on. She would visit Ginny and Ron next week. And should she see Severus...seeing him with the woman who had succeeded in capturing his heart might be a way to overcome her feelings for him.

Visiting Dumbledore was enjoyable for Hermione. He had regained most of his strength, though his right hand remained stiff. She was also greeted heartily by some of her former professors. Eventually, Hermione headed towards Ginny's room. When she rounded the corner, she found herself face to face with Severus and Miss Aspen. Hermione's eyes widened, and she quickly averted her gaze, muttering a short greeting before walking away, but not quickly enough.

Serenita had seen her gaze and looked up to Severus. "I think you have to explain something, dear."

Hermione sat down on a sofa in Ginny's room. "Have you settled in, Hermione?" her friend asked.

"Well, I have a rather tight schedule, but that's how I like it. Especially now, I am rather glad that…" She stopped.

"Hermione, I noticed that you don't look very well, and during the last few days at Hogwarts I did not see you at all. Is this about Snape?"

Hermione sighed. "Maybe it's really better to talk about this than to pretend nothing has happened. You know, the day he got out of the infirmary, he came to my room and he told me that he knew that I loved him and we, um, kissed. And I was so happy; I thought he loved me, too. But when I came to his rooms in the evening, he told me that it had been a mistake, that it was only physical, and he apologised. Ginny, I know it's ridiculous, pining after a man who does not love me. I've seen him with his girlfriend. He can have every woman he wants; no wonder he wasn't interested in me."

Ginny looked at her and finally shook her head. "Hermione, I'm rather confused myself. The day you left, I saw him standing in an alcove staring after you. I've never even thought he could look like that. You should have seen him! He did not know that I watched him; he was oblivious to his surroundings, and he was only looking at you. I could have sworn...But I admit it's true, he spends much time with Miss Aspen."

An hour later, Hermione left Ginny and headed toward the portal, when a soft female voice called her. "Miss Granger?" Hermione turned around and was startled to see Serenita Aspen smiling at her. "Miss Granger, I would like to talk to you. It's really important. Would you accompany me for a walk outside?"

She agreed. They walked for a little while, and Hermione was puzzled. What did the witch want? Most likely, Severus had told her about Hermione's feelings, but clearly Serenita could see that she was no threat. Besides, she would leave soon. Lost in her thoughts, she heard the young woman's voice. "I think there is something you should know. I'm Severus' sister."

"You are...?" Hermione replied faintly.

Serenita nodded. "Nobody knows but Professor Dumbledore. Severus decided that it would be better for me to be in his vicinity in case somebody discovered we were related. Hogwarts seems to be safe. Severus does not know that I am talking to you. He would not approve. I am aware of the rumours that I am his girlfriend, though I did not do anything to support them. I am simply talking to him, but this seems to be enough. You are probably wondering why I'm telling you this. As I said before, Severus would not approve, but I know he loves you."

Hermione was startled. "Did he tell you that he loves me?"

Serenita smiled and raised an eyebrow. "You know my brother. He would i never /i say something like that. Actually, he explained in detail that he did not need a girlfriend, that you were too young anyway; that you were a nuisance, and that he is glad to have his privacy back. Shall I go on?" Her face darkened, showing her concern for her brother. "I know he is unhappy. He tries not to show it, and he follows his routine. Most people don't even notice."

Hermione could not understand what she had heard. Severus loved her? But he had told her that it had only been lust. Yet, Ginny had said that she had seen Severus looking after her. But why? Recalling the events of that certain evening, Hermione suddenly knew what had happened. _Harry_. Severus had seen and heard him. That was the only explanation. Severus had sent her away because of what Harry had said, pretending that he did not love her.

"I think I have to pay a visit to a certain someone."

Snape had never been patient. Reading the essays of his new DADA class did not improve this non-existent virtue. He would grade them tomorrow. Irritated, he threw his quill away and rose, heading towards his chambers, determined to end this day with a bottle of wine from his cupboard. A knock on the door of his office made him even angrier. Another dunderhead disturbing his evening! If this student did not have a _very_ good explanation for this disruption, he or she would find themselves in detention for a long time. Closing the space with a few long strides, Snape opened the door and found himself face to face with Hermione.

"Good evening, Severus. May I come in?" she asked calmly.

"Of course," he answered, clearing his throat, and Hermione entered. What did she want here? But then she looked straight into his eyes, and he realised that she i knew /i .

"Did you really think this was a solution, Severus?" she asked, searching his face.

Snape quickly regained his composure. "It will always be this way, Hermione," he replied in a flat voice. "Potter was right. I _am_ a murderer, and I cannot be forgiven. I only deceived myself for a while. It won't work, Hermione. I wished it were different, but you have to face the facts. I had time to think about it, believe me. Everybody will believe that we had a dalliance going on before your graduation. Not that people would be astonished to hear something like that about me, but have you considered what this would mean for you, for the career you are planning, for your reputation? What would your parents say being presented a i boyfriend /i who is only a few years younger than your father? You would lose all your friends. I don't doubt that you love me; I am the living proof, but one day you would hate me for having given up everything that matters to you for an ugly, much older man; for a former Death Eater, a murderer. I am not worth it. And even if you were able to overlook all these facts, let me assure you that what you have seen of me during the past years i is /i the real Severus Snape. I cannot be what you could expect from a man at your side."

Hermione's eyes flashed. "I knew you would say that. The moment I realised that you heard Harry, I knew you were trying to be damn noble." Calming, she continued, "And I love you for being so considerate to me. But you cannot decide what risks _I_ am willing to take. I don't know if it will work between us, but I would hate myself for not having tried, always having to ask myself 'What if?' I love you; I love you so much it hurts. I need you. " With this she came nearer and placed a hand on Severus' arm, looking up to him.

Severus' dark eyes looked at her, and he shook his head. "You call it noble, but I am nothing of that sort. It's realism. As much as I dislike Potter, he is right. If not for me, your best friend's parents would be alive. I am guilty of the death of the woman I loved in my youth. Hermione. You don't know what kind of man you fell in love with. Have you ever considered what I have done as a Death Eater? i Theoretically /i you know, but if you took only one look into my memories you would run away screaming. A relationship between us is impossible, Hermione. As I said, it was a delusion on my part. I cannot erase my past."

"Then Severus, let me take a look into your memories," Hermione replied. "I love you regardless of what you have done, believe me."

Severus' eyes became unreadable, and he pressed his lips together. He knew that she would despise him after she had seen his memories. Even a friendship would not continue after that. "As you wish," he said evenly.

"Legilimens!" Hermione said.

He did not hide anything, obviously determined to drive her away. She was not prepared for the things Severus showed her. She saw the young Severus participating in raids, saw him killing a man; saw him laughing while other Death Eaters killed during those raids, saw him administering a potion to a man who died afterwards... Hermione's eyes widened and she paled. He was right; she had known only _theoretically_. Then she looked into his face, which was etched with self-loathing and pain, and she saw the man she loved. Despite everything he had done, she loved him.

"Severus, I have seen what you wanted me to see. That man is not you anymore; you have changed," she whispered, looking firmly into his eyes. Severus could not stand this any longer.

"Hermione," he groaned and drew her in his arms. "Oh, Hermione!" He inhaled the sweet scent of her hair and stroked her curls. Without further thinking, he kissed her, his mouth crashing down on hers. He kissed her with all his pent-up love and desire, with all his despair, and Hermione knew that he loved her as much as she loved him.

"Severus," she whispered. "We will not let them win. This is only about us. Let me stay with you, let us try."

"Hermione, it won't work between us. You don't know me," Snape moaned.

"Severus, I want to get to know you. I want us to be seen together, not meeting secretly. I want to sit together with you in your chambers, talking and just spending time with you." She looked up again in these beautiful eyes, which showed all his love, and another emotion began to rise within her. She wanted to touch him, really touch him. "Let me stay with you tonight," she whispered. Severus was stunned.

"Hermione, I don't think we should…" Inwardly he groaned. i Of course /i he thought they should, but he was supposed to be the mature one, possessing a certain amount of restraint, though this restraint appeared to leave him completely with this beautiful woman in his arms.

Severus hands trailed down her spine. "Yes. Stay."


	13. Chapter 13

**IMPORTANT: I am really sorry for the long delay. I planned a lemon for this chapter, and my wonderful beta, Wondering Witch, had agreed to write the bigger part of this lemon as a co-author. Unfortunately, she has got serious personal problems now and had to withdraw her offer to beta read. I have to continue this story without her and this means: a shorter lemon without much finesse. My abilities end at the description of light petting. The alternative was to abandon the story, and I certainly did not want to do that. Please be lenient! A great thank you again, dear Wondering Witch, for beta reading this story so far; you were wonderful. I hope you will be able to resume your work as a beta reader in the near future and I also hope everything will be okay with you**.

**Chapter 13**

"Yes," he answered. "Stay!" He looked at her, a glint in his eyes, and then he scooped her up in his arms and carried her towards his chambers. None of the boys she knew would ever do something like that. In a way, it was so _retro_ , so _caveman_ . Strange enough, Hermione felt cherished by this gesture. However, this was more, Severus was making a statement; he was telling her that he wouldn't let her go again, that she was his.

Severus set her carefully down in front of his bed, pulling her in his arms again, his hands moving over her body. The familiar tingle began inside of her chest and sped to her extremities. She shivered in his touch and leaned against his chest, then smiled and looked at Severus like a cat who had found a cream pot. Severus was stunned; he had never been the cream pot before but only the leftovers. This was so different from any experience he had had with women; she loved him, she _wanted_ to touch him.

Hermione felt his lips brushing over hers and his tongue searching entrance and moaned. She pulled back, and Severus saw that her gaze changed, determination in her eyes. She reached towards his frock coat and began to unbutton it. Her fingers trembled, and she was chewing her lower lip as always when she was nervous. She slipped her hands under his shirt and encircled Severus' waist, caressing his skin there for the first time, not hesitating when she touched his scars. Severus drew in a sharp breath and a low moan escaped his throat. His arms engulfed her again, finding that she fit perfectly. He felt his arousal throbbing painfully and knew she felt it, too.

Hermione's breath caught as Severus's hands moved from the side of her breasts to the front of her shirt. Severus felt how she suddenly tensed and slightly pulled away. Hurt , he asked, "You are having second thoughts, haven't you?" His hands fell to his side. He should have expected something like this. Yes, she loved him, but desire was something else. He knew how he looked, hooked-nosed, thin, with crooked teeth and scarred.

"No, Severus, no," Hermione whispered, guessing his thoughts. "But, you know, this is... I've never..."

"You've never... You mean I am your first?" Severus asked, huskily.

Hermione nodded.

"Good!" Severus replied with obvious relief and satisfaction and pulled her in his arms again, suddenly at a loss for words. His hands roamed her body again, more urgently this time. Hermione felt dizzy. This was wonderful. He had barely touched her and yet... If this was an omen of what was to come, she would never need to ask again what the whole fuss was about.

Then she felt his hands at the buttons of her blouse, his thumbs brushing her breasts. His hands were trembling slightly; he was nervous, too. Of course, he had had encounters with women, but his heart and soul had never been in them. He pulled back the fabric, uncovering her bra, then looked at her somehow flabbergasted. Everybody would have expected plain Hermione Granger wearing cotton underwear and not a black silk bra, delicately laced. She had not put this on on purpose to entice Severus but had always liked sexy underwear; it was simply for her self-confidence and made her feel womanly and nearly pretty. He would be in for another surprise at the sight of her thong. Severus swallowed and looked at her, heat in his eyes. Carefully he pulled away the flimsy bra and took her breasts in his hands, lowered his head and kissed her nipples, then suckled lightly. Hermione moaned. On the one hand, she only wanted to feel what he did to her, on the other hand she wanted to feel everything of him, too. Her hands reached for him again; impatiently, she unbuttoned Severus' shirt and helped him to shrug out of it. He stood there in the dim light of the bedroom. For the first time since his illness, she saw his naked torso. But by then, it had been different. She put her hands flat on his chest and caressed him, then looked up in his eyes. In her face, Severus saw that she desired him. There was no sign of revulsion at the sight of his pale skin and his scars; in her touch she showed him that he was beautiful to her.

He could not wait any longer. In moments, he unzipped his trousers and stepped out of them; his desire for her obvious. His hands moved to her jeans, too, but she already fumbled with the button and the zipper and shoved the jeans down, stepping out of them. As Hermione had foreseen, Severus drew a sharp breath at the sight of her thong. How could such a beautiful young woman desire the likes of him? But she did, so much was obvious. Finally, they stood skin to skin, Severus' erection pressed against Hermione's belly. They fell on the bed together, stroking and caressing each other. Severus was determined to go slow and to relish every moment, but when Hermione began to stroke his arousal he forgot all his good intentions. "Stop it, Hermione," he rasped. "If you don't stop it..." He clasped her hand and drew it gently away. Then his fingers began to trail down her hips and thighs and find their way to her brown curls below. When he touched her folds, she felt as if her whole body were on fire. His fingers moved again and then she felt the tips of his fingers on her clit, stroking carefully and lightly, then moving in circles. Hermione could not breathe any more. Her world shattered around her,she cried out Severus' name.

Still dizzy, she felt Severus' weight on her and his kisses on her face. With his knee he nudged her legs apart and began to enter her. Very slowly, he pushed forward. She felt a sharp pain at first, but he kissed her soothingly and then began to move. When he finally filled her, she felt complete and her world broke apart again. His thrusts became more urgent and finally, he flew over the edge. He couldn't speak or even think coherently. The roar in him finally subsiding, he looked at her, his expression open and vulnerable.

Hermione's eyes were soft and tender. "Severus," she whispered. For a while, they lay side by side in each others arms. Then Hermione grinned mischievously. "The memory of what you did is already fading; would you like to remind me?"

"You should have taken into consideration that you chose an old man," Severus replied, his mouth already covering hers again and his penis coming alive. "You will kill me, vixen." An hour later, he fell asleep, convinced that he had died a happy man.

When Hermione and Severus entered the Great Hall together the next morning, they received several startled looks. They did not even try to make it appear coincidental, and obviously, everybody took it for what it was, an unspoken announcement. Severus took his usual seat among the other teachers, and Hermione headed towards her friends, an awkward silence awaiting her when she sat down. Harry rose, fury and disgust on his face. "No need to say a word, Hermione; I realise you have made your decision. I find that I have gotten rather peculiar of the company I keep. If you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas." He pushed his chair back and headed towards the exit without looking back.

"Hermione, he didn't mean what he said," Ron tried to conciliate, but Hermione knew that Harry had meant i exactly /i what he had said. Despite his apology a few days ago, he would never forgive her for choosing Severus.

She looked at Ron with suddenly sad eyes. "I even understand him, I really do. For him, it's betrayal on my part. But I can't help what I am feeling either."

Ron nodded. "I will talk to him. But do you really know what you are doing? I cannot say that I understand you either", he added.

Hermione was relieved that Ron had taken the news so understandingly. After all, during the past years, he had suffered from Snape's cruelty, too. In an attempt to ease the mood, Ron jested, "You've got some poor eyesight, I suppose. I should be hurt that you traded him for me." He made a grimace and followed his friend.

Hermione looked at her friends. All of them, except Ginny, seemed to be shocked by the idea of Snape and their long-term-companion Hermione sharing kisses and more. Though he was a hero now, he was still Snape. What could an eighteen-year-old woman probably see in him? She had never been that superficial that she was drawn to fame like Lavender Brown.

Hermione sighed. "I don't expect you to agree, but I hope you will accept it. I don't want to lose you as my friends," she said, her eyes pleading.

Snape had seen the little scene at the table. The Headmaster looked at him, no twinkling in his eyes, but approval and encouragement. Minerva McGonagall, on the other hand, was looking at him, frowning and musing. Of course, she would disapprove and think him a child molester. Then Minerva leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "Really, Severus, I do understand you, I really do, but was it necessary to make this statement in front of the whole school? You are a teacher and as such a role model." Then the usually prim, strict Deputy Headmistress grinned like a Cheshire cat. "But who am I to complain? I think you will refrain from deducting points from kissing students in the hall ways from now on, and since most of them are the rather bold members of my house, I should be content." That was surprising, Minerva McGonagall, who would have thought this? Severus' heart, though, went out to Hermione. Had she expected this reaction? She should have, and time would tell whether she was strong enough to bear it.

Ron followed Harry and found him outside at the lake, sitting with his knees drawn to his chest. He sat down beside him and waited. Eventually, Harry drew a deep breath. "Why, Ron, why? Why does this murderer walk free? Why does nobody but me sees him for what he is? And how can Hermione betray me like this?" His green eyes burnt in his face. "I hate him more than I can tell."

"Harry, I understand that you feel..."

"Understand? You don't understand, you can't understand. You've got parents, you've got siblings, but I got robbed of the chance to have a family because Snape made a i mistake /i ," Harry spat. "And now I am supposed to forgive him though he has made my life miserable from the first day I've met him at Hogwarts? No, Ron, I won't!" Harry laughed bitterly.

"Look, Harry, I should not have said that I understand what you are feeling, you are right, but I want you to know that I will always be your friend. I also think that Hermione will always be your friend. Do you remember what we experienced, what we went through? No matter what..."

"No!" Harry shouted, "If she chooses to associate with this murderer, she is dead to me. He killed my parents, and I will never forgive that. He will curse the day he was born when I am through with him!"

Ron was at a loss for words. They sat together for a while, none of them saying another word. Finally, Harry rose and returned to the castle. If Ron had hoped that Harry would calm down, he had hoped in vain. Though there was no further outburst, Ron sensed the cold fury in Harry and did not know how to help.

The disapproval of the society came as foreseen but not the way Severus had assumed. Happy to get another headline and to get back at Hermione, Rita Skeeter wrote several articles accusing Hermione of having ensnared the socially inept Potions master. Hermione could not put pressure on Rita Skeeter any longer who had finally registered as an animagus.

_NOTORIOUS HERMIONE GRANGER HAS ENSNARED SEVERUS SNAPE_:

_Of course, everyone should have expected this. We all too well remember her affairs with Victor Krum and Harry Potter. This young woman obviously needs famous men to feed her ego. We can only hope that Severus Snape will be able to flee from her trap in time_.

Like in her fourth year, Hermione received Howlers and anonymous letters after this article. This time, however, another shock waited for Hermione when she visited her parents. Her mother greeted her thin-lipped and demanded an explanation. Harry had visited them and told them about their daughter's new boyfriend._Was it true that he was guilty of the death of Harry's parents? Was this the same professor everybody had described as extremely cruel? Was it possible that he had palmed off a potion on her? Had he molested her when she was still at school?_ Fact was, Hermione could understand her parents' anguish. A few months ago, she would have laughed at everybody who would have told her that she would fall in love with her former Potions professor. But now, she refused to yield an inch. Finally, her parents agreed to meet Severus. They did not want their judgment solely to be based upon Harry's opinion though they were rather worried about what he had said.

Hermione was furious when she stepped out of the fireplace in Severus' chambers. She unclasped her cloak and threw it on the floor, then dropped on the couch. "How dare he!" she yelled. "It is none of his business who I choose as my boyfriend." Severus looked up from his book and cocked an eyebrow. She explained what had happened, and Snape's lips curled with contempt. "I've expected nothing else from him, " he snarled.

Hermione swallowed. "It will be very difficult, but, please, accompany me to my parents."

The visit with Hermione's parents was as _successful_ as expected. They looked at the tall, gloomy wizard with these crooked teeth in horror, their initial judgment confirmed. Severus did nothing to lighten their mood. He felt pilloried, a fact he had never been able to deal with. Not willing to participate in small talk, he remained sour and sullen. In brief, the visit was short of a disaster.

Hermione did not blame Severus entirely though she thought he could have tried to behave more friendly, but after Harry's attempt to _pass information_ to Hermione's parents she had been prepared. Her attitude towards Harry, however, changed. At first, she had tried, she had really tried, but everything had been in vain. Nothing seemed to matter; in Harry's eyes she was a traitor to their friendship. Things became worse; Harry even tried to talk his pals into giving Hermione the cold shoulder. He seemed to be obsessed.

Albus Dumbledore was concerned. "Harry, you have to be very careful. Your hatred may cost you more than you can imagine. With hatred in your heart, you are an easy prey for Tom."

Harry knew better than to argue with Professor Dumbledore and nodded. Inwardly, he snorted. _What does u he /u know? He has always told me that he was on my side and then lets the murderer of my parents work here, be my teacher. He tells everybody that we can trust him. I won't!. I will follow him wherever he goes, and I will prove to Hermione that she is wrong, that everybody is wrong. _

Inevitably, Severus and Hermione discovered soon that being in love and even being soul mates did not prevent them from disputing. Tempers flared, and Severus was surprised that such a small person of only eighteen years was able to withstand him. Still, Severus refused to change his behaviour in public. _No, he would not consider changing the colour of his robes and no, he would not accompany her to her friends and no, he was not inclined to dance. _

Hermione pocketed everything with great patience. Less calm, however, was her reaction whenever Severus tried to patronise her.

"I am decisive. Women are supposed to love this in a man."

"So it's your way or the highway, isn't it?"

Severus frowned. "I beg your pardon?"

"Never mind!" She disappeared with a swish of her robes.

Except for things like that, Snape was content for the first time in years. He was no longer being followed by female hormonal teenagers now that his relationship with Hermione was publicly known. Harry Potter's glares didn't affect him in the least. He was glad that Hermione's friendship with him was over and determined to compensate her for this. If anything, Severus Snape was a genius with words. He would show Hermione how unworthy Potter was of her friendship.

Snape knew that his own situation was far from being riskless. He had been a spy for years and often been on the verge of being caught. Now that he had been revealed a traitor to the Dark Lord, revengeful Death Eaters would enjoy killing him. He also knew that his relationship with Hermione could endanger her either. During the week, she was at university. Severus would make sure that she did not leave there unprotected and hired a wizarding security service who followed her, unknown to her. He himself left Howarts' grounds only on rare occasions.

Though another Potions master had been appointed, Madam Pomfrey was glad that Severus had agreed to continue brewing healing potions for her. She had tended to him numerous times when he had returned to the castle with serious injuries, and, though none of them would admit this publicly, they kind of liked each other. However, Madam Pomfrey did _not_i like the new Potions professor who obviously thought himself too important for brewing potions for a simple matron. Luckily, many of the needed plants grew on the school grounds, and Severus was glad when he could spend a few hours outdoors. He loved Hermione, but for a man who was used to being alone, her presence could be, well, _strenuous_ at times. Sometimes being a bachelor seemed to have its advantages.

Taking a basket with him, he left the castle. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Harry Potter following him. _Did this brat actually try to spy on u him ? Ridiculous!_

Harry followed Snape from a secure distance. But when he rounded the trees where he had seen him disappear, Snape was nowhere to be seen. This was impossible. He could not have Apparated. This was Hogwarts. Then he heard the smooth contemptuous voice of his teacher behind him.

"Trying to sneak up on me, Potter? Thinking you could outwit a Slytherin? You ought to know better than that, but of course, you have proven to be the mediocre wizard I have always considered you."

"You conceited bastard!" Harry yelled, turning around. "You killed my parents and now you have stolen one of my best friends..."

"Friends cannot be stolen, Potter, though I do not conceal that I feel rather satisfied how i you /i destroyed this friendship yourself."

Seeing Snape's sneer was the last trigger for Harry to freak out. "This time I mean it!" he shouted, pulling out his wand, "Crucio!"

Snape was not prepared. He had seen Harry's hatred but had not expected him to attack. He fell to the ground, writhing in pain, screaming and trembling.

Harry raised his wand again, but suddenly it hit him. I I am not better than he is. I accused him of being a coward, and I attacked him without warning. I used an Unforgivable/i He lowered his wand and his hands fell limply to his side, the wand slipping from his fingers and rolling away. He blinked, then stepped forward and stretched out his hand to the still panting professor to help him up. "Professor Snape, I..."

Severus did not take Harry's hand but struggled to get up alone. His legs did not support him and he stumbled again. He fell to his knees and moaned, his face distorted with pain, his nose bleeding . Harry swallowed, deeply ashamed. "Professor Snape," he said, his voice thick, "please take my hand. I don't know what...I'll help you back..."

Snape glared up at him. "This time you have gone too far. I will make sure that you are expelled," he gasped.

"I know," Harry said in a flat voice, "and I know that I deserve it. But let me help you up, and then I'll leave the Wizarding world." Tears streamed down his cheeks, but he did not care. Dumbledore had been right. Harry's hatred had cost him more than he had imagined. He had been self-righteous and conceited. Still, he stood there, his hand outstretched, and this time, Snape took it and stood, still unstable. He refused further support and limped back to the castle without looking back.

Harry followed, his feet leaden. He went to the dormitory and waited. Dumbledore would call on him any minute, and this time there would be no twinkling in his eyes. This time it would be over, and it was Harry's fault alone. He had cast an Unforgivable. Harry looked around. This would be the last time he spent in this room, the last time in the castle. Never in his life, he had been so ashamed. His friends would be appalled when they heard what he had done. Nobody liked Snape, but this...

Harry wept, he wept for all he had lost, covering his face with his hands and oblivious to his surroundings. When he felt a touch at his shoulder he looked up, startled, and saw Winky standing in front of him.

"Master Harry, you shall be coming to Professor Snape, not time, at once."

Harry got to his feet. It was time to get this over with. He followed Winky who led him to Snape's office and entered when he heard Snape's voice. The professor sat behind his desk, but Professor Dumbledore was nowhere to be seen. Harry stood in front of the desk and hung his head. Snape did not say anything. Of course, he savoured this moment. Finally, Harry cleared his throat and looked at Snape, his face showing his remorse, his shoulders sagging. "He won't see me, will he? He is too disappointed and has given you authorisation to expel me. He warned me, he was right."

"No, Potter, he won't come. I did not inform Professor Dumbledore of what you have done."

The words needed a few moments to sink in. "You, you did _not_ ? But why? This has been your goal all these years; and it was my fault alone that..."

"I do not intend to discuss this with you, Potter," Snape snarled, "I still don't like you, but you have done something your father would never have done. You apologised and were prepared to bearing the consequences of your actions. You will serve detention every weekend with Filch for the rest of the year. And now get out!"

Harry was frozen. "You mean, you..."

"Get out, Potter!" Snape bellowed.

Harry hurried to obey. _Detention, only detention! He would not be expelled!_ He closed the heavy oaken door of the office behind him. This was unreal. Snape had always hated him. Why had he not jumped at the chance to get Harry expelled ?

Everybody wondered why Harry stopped spreading his torrents of hatred around but then concluded that he had finally come to his senses. Even when it became publicly known that he had detentions with Filch on weekends for the rest of the year, Harry did not complain. _Weird!_

Now that even Harry's public enmity had seized, everything could have been in order. Hermione was able to deal with Rita Skeeter articles, and though she was sad about her parents' attitude towards Severus, this was u her /u life. She was learning to cope with Severus' arrogant behaviour. Still, there was something else that rendered Hermione uncertain...


	14. Chapter 14

**This is the usual disclaimer. I borrowed several characters from J.K. Rowling and promised to give them back and to make no money. Okay, this is the last chapter, and I return all the characters unharmed. I tried to keep Severus, but she noticed and though I negotiated very hard, she refused to let go.**

**Dear LariLee, thank you again for filling in for i Wondering Witch /i without hesitation; you are simply nice and really a person to like. **

**This is the final chapter. Please let me know whether you like this story and read also my new story IT WAS NOT ME, IT WAS MY EVIL TWIN**

**I apologise for the formating. I tried to mark seperate paragraphs, but somehow, it did not work.**

**Chapter 14 **

Once every two weeks, Hermione took the time to meet her old pals, this time at The Three Broomsticks. Ginny, Neville, Seamus and Ron were already sitting at the table, chatting vividly, when Hermione rushed in, furious at herself for being late. While she was hanging her cloak, she heard Seamus snarl, "I've always liked DADA but if I could, I would drop it at once. I can't understand how Hermione can stand him. He is the meanest…" That was when he spotted Hermione and stopped; colour creeping in his cheeks. "Oh, Hermione, uhm, hello."

An awkward silence stretched between them; eventually Hermione said, her brows narrowing, "I think I should hear what you wanted to say."

Seamus looked away, embarrassed.

Finally, Ron said, "Hermione, I have always thought that it is your business alone who you date. But I have known you for years and know your standards and your moral attitude. This is not pleasant. Perhaps we should have told you before; Snape has not changed much. He is as cruel and overbearing as he has always been. Maybe, no, of course he behaves differently to you. I did not think he would be completely different now that his camouflage is no longer necessary, things like you kissing a frog and getting a prince. But at least I thought he would be fair now. Well, he has certainly remained a frog, at least as far as the students are concerned. And I really don't know what Harry has done to deserve detention for the rest of the year. It seems to be a kind of revenge from Snape for Harry's behaviour towards you. I know this is not the best situation for you to learn about this, but in fact you should have expected this."

The rest of the night was spent in a not so good mood, and it was early in the evening when everybody went home. Hermione was floored. She knew that Ron had spoken the truth. Harry and Ginny had told her some episodes from the lessons with Snape, and Hermione had become very thoughtful. _They have to be wrong. Severus is different now. He'd been a spy before. They are prejudiced against Severus,_ she tried to convince herself.

She was not that certain anymore several days later when she came to Hogwarts for a surprise visit. The door to Severus' office was a bit ajar and she could distinguish the voices of Neville and Severus.

"Mr. Longbottom, maybe you are under the impression that you would earn good grades for your mere presence or that I would award you additional points for your friendship with certain celebrities. Be assured, your work will only be evaluated for your achievement in class, and so far, you have only produced a painful impression."

"Professor Snape," Neville protested, " I have done my best."

"Well, well, Mr. Longbottom, I am sure, this _is_ your best, but your best abilities are not far from a Squib's. Perhaps you should consider a Muggle profession for your future career. You may see yourself out now; even detention is wasted on you."

Hermione squeezed into a little niche, and Neville did not see her when he left Snape's office, but Hermione saw his face. Though he had learned much in the preceding years he seemed to be reduced to a little child when faced with Severus Snape, and Snape knew and enjoyed it.

In his relationship with Hermione, Severus remained insecure. He had no experience in love affairs, and being in love with a witch twenty years his junior was even more difficult. Granted, he was a hero now, but that was nothing he could Hermione impress with, and the hysteria about the i new hero /i was already ebbing away. Seeing that Snape had remained his usual self, the female students at Hogwarts had moved on to new objects of desire. Severus' social skills were nonexistent; how could he fulfill the expectations of a young woman? She was at university now, surrounded by young men; she was wellknown, a friend to famous Harry Potter, brilliant, friendly and with warm brown eyes to drown in. Of course, the young wizards would see everything he saw, too. She might love him now, but what would happen when she had the opportunity to compare? Contrary to her first years at Hogwarts, she was popular now. She had told him that she loved him, and he had made it clear that she was his. She would never betray him, wouldn't she? Seeing his reflection in the mirror, he was not so sure anymore. Perhaps control was the better part of trust.

Hermione was thrilled. The little study group she had joined was great. Nobody asked whether she was Muggle-born or pureblood, whether she had been Gryffindor, Slytherin or something else, nobody had an interest whether her family was wealthy or not or whether she knew the i right /i people. The only i voucher /i she needed was her intelligence and her willingness to share her knowledge. Obviously, the other students had watched her performance during the lectures and seminars, and eventually, Patrick Seymour, a cheerful, extremely good looking wizard with raven locks and startling blue eyes had approached her and asked whether she would like to join the group. Of course she did! She had felt an immediate companionship with the other three young wizards and four witches. They did not only study but also spent a lot of their spare time together. Patrick seemed to like her and did not hide it, though he knew from the newspapers that she was in a relationship with Severus Snape. He was never pushy, never tried to touch her _inadvertantly_ , but she noticed that he would like a relationship with her if she encouraged him.

Spring finally approaching and the weather becoming warm, Hermione and her new friends decided to do their learning on the lawn of the campus. Patrick showed her a rare Potions book he had purchased in a second-hand bookshop. All members of her group did not only want to become Potions masters and mistresses, but wanted to obtain a doctorate afterwards. This required the concoction of a new potion, and everyone was grateful for old textbooks stimulating the fantasy. Hermione and Patrick were discussing several topics vividly and sharing a lot of laughter, when she suddenly noticed his gaze lingering on her mouth.

Hermione decided to approach the problem in her typical blunt manner. "Patrick, I like you. I really like you, and it's nice to be friends with you..."

"Oh, Hermione, I am glad you say that. I also like very much to be friends with you and perhaps..." He gazed into her eyes.

"You know that I am in a relationship, don't you?" Hermione asked.

"Yes!" Patrick admitted reluctantly, "I hoped it was a rumour, you know, the newspapers always writing about this stuff, Rita Skeeter especially. I've never seen him with you, and I thought... I also could not imagine you with a wizard so much older and, well, not particularly with an outward appearance a girl would dream of. Besides, he's got a certain reputation." Patrick grimaced.

"Patrick, I am really sorry, but I _am_ in a real relationship, It's true, not only rumours; he loves me and I love him. Speaking of the outward appearance, have you ever been judged by your appearance?"

"Hell, yes, that is the main reason that I have no girlfriend yet. The girls have always been interested in my looks, and the smarter ones seemed to think that a guy who looks like me could only be shallow."

Hermione smiled at him. "Then you should understand that I am not that interested in good looks. You are a friend, Patrick, a real good friend, but you will never be more to me." Appeasingly, she laid a hand on his arm.

"Yeah, okay, you have a way with a man's self-esteem." Patrick rose and grinned. "Friends?"

"Yes, friends," Hermione agreed and smiled at him. She laughed aloud, then turned around to grab her books. That was when she, from the corner of her eye, saw a black cat disappear in the tree nearby.

Severus was disappointed, disappointed and embittered. He had been right; he was not a man who was able to keep a woman, but she should have told him. Severus knew he could not compete with the young wizard from her study group. He had checked him out, no ugly past and no girlfriends Patrick Seymour had cast aside. He seemed to like Hermione and vice versa. But Hermione had given Severus no sign that she would end their relationship. Well, he had seen her face after the incident with Longbottom. She had been disappointed in him, though she had not said anything; he had seen it in her eyes. But he'd never thought that she would cheat on him.

They always spent their weekends together, sometimes in Hogsmeade, sometimes in his dungeons, beginning on Fridays with tea. This Friday was no exception. When Hermione entered Severus' quarters, dropped her cloak, and looked at her lover, she knew at once that something was wrong. He appeared as distant and arrogant as he had when he had been her teacher. His eyes held no warmth, and his lips were pressed together. No proper greeting, no kiss, no hug.

"Severus, is anything wrong?" she asked, concerned.

"You tell _me_ ," he answered cryptically.

"Severus, you can't just throw these words at me and think I'd know what your problem is."

"Maybe it's more _your_ problem, maybe I am no longer involved; it didn't take you very long to find a replacement for me. Don't take me for a fool," Severus snapped.

"No longer involved... replacement? What do you... You think I cheated on you?" Hermione asked incredulously.

"_Think_ , my dear? No, I saw you and your young lover, no need for excuses," Snape snarled.

Hermione's eyes widened. "So it was you. When I saw the cat disappear, I had a feeling..."

"Yes, it was me, and as it seems, I was right to watch you. I thought you were different, but perhaps Rita Skeeter was right after all and you were just looking for a famous man. Now that the first wave of excitement is over, you have moved on. Maybe you should have waited with your new lover until he is famous, too," he lashed out. As soon as the hurtful words were spoken, Severus wished he could take them back, but the damage was done.

All colour drained from Hermione's face. "So this is what you think of me," Hermione whispered. "No, Severus, I've never cheated on you. What you saw was harmless. I am only friends with Patrick and told him that it could never be more because I love you and you loved me. But perhaps I was wrong, Severus. You thought me capable of cheating on you; you don't trust me, you spied on me and you saw what you expected to see."

Severus stood there, frozen to the spot. From what and how she had said, he had known at once that she had spoken the truth. She had not cheated on him. Hermione waited, and the silence stretched between them. Severus was unable to utter a word. What could he say? He could not make it undone. What difference would an apology make? He had feared this day would come, he had known. As much as he had tried to change, change for her and for their relationship, he had not succeeded. He was unworthy of her. It was over.

Hermione blinked. She became furious. He did not even _try_ to explain, did not say that he was sorry and loved her. "That's it, Severus? You accuse me of cheating and… You will always think the worst, won't you? A few days ago, I told you that I loved you, but obviously you did not believe me if you thought it necessary to spy on me. When my friends told me that you had not changed, I did not believe them, but you truly haven't. When I saw you with Neville, I could not believe…"

"I know that I failed you, and I accept that our relationship is over now," Severus replied stiffly. He rose and fetched Hermione's cloak, not looking at her. "It is better this way; you will find someone who deserves you. Good-bye, Hermione."

"Good-bye, Severus," Hermione whispered and left his quarters. Her hands were trembling, and she felt numb. It was over and she had to get away, just away. Hoping that she could retain her tears long enough that nobody saw her desperation, Hermione hurried towards the portal. She did not even look back when she heard Ron's voice calling her.

Back in her apartment and the door closing behind her, she sagged against the wall, her legs supporting her no longer. Severus! She loved him. And he had said that he loved her. He had even spoken of being together forever one day, though he had not said the word i marriage /i . Yet, he did not trust her. Why was he so cruel towards his students, why so jealous and distrustful? Hermione sat there, arms wrapped around her, legs drawn to her chest and head on her knees, and wept. Gutwrenching sobs shook her. Eventually, she rose and stumbled to bed, but lay awake, unable to sleep.

Despite his usual harshness, Hermione believed that Severus loved her. The strict man was a passionate lover and brought her to places she had not thought possible. He could be gentle and tender, he could be demanding, and she loved all of it. When he looked at her, Hermione felt beautiful and looking at him made her happy. But inwardly, he had not changed. i I won't change much/i he had said.

Hermione bit her lip and groaned when she realised what this meant. He had actually warned her that he would not transform a large amount. When she had offered him her friendship, she had told him that there was no hero-worship on her part. She had even quoted Dumbledore with his remark about nice people and Death Eaters. She had told Severus that she loved him regardless of what he had done and how he was, but nevertheless she had expected him to become i nice /i so that she could be proud of her personal hero. She had created an image and had expected him to turn into this image. And then, when he had not fulfilled her expectations, she had abandoned him. i She /i had been wrong, not Severus. Love required accepting someone as he was. Not that Severus' behaviour was as it should be, but she had not chosen Severus according to a list of virtues. Nevertheless, she had expected him to shake off the last thirty-eight-years of his life, a life without love and trust. She had heard snippets of how he had grown up before and had insisted that he tell her about his family, and reluctantly he had done so. Even now, when she recalled what Severus had told her, Hermione shuddered.

His mother, Eileen Prince, had been a witch from an ancient pureblood family. She had been a studious and intelligent girl, but timid and plain. She had not had a boyfriend at school and one day made the aquaintance of Tobias Snape, a Muggle. They had met secretly, and after a few months, Eileen had found herself pregnant. She had been abandoned by her family as if infected with plague. i You are dead to us/i they had told her and had disinherited her, leaving her nothing than a dirty old hut in Spinners End, i becoming for a Muggle whore /i .

Eileen had struggled with her new life. Her husband had turned out to be abusive when drunk, but though Eileen was a witch she had never found the strength to defend herself or leave him. It was strange, as if he had drained her off all strength. i If not for you, I would not have married this sorry excuse of a woman/i Severus' father had told him often enough, and Severus had believed it. It was i his /i fault that his mother was so unhappy. Love rendered you weak, Severus had seen, and had sworn he would not be like that; he would seek revenge against those who wronged him. When entering Hogwarts at age eleven, the embittered and disillusioned boy had known more Dark spells than the usual fifth year. He had hated to return to his parents for vacation; only when his sister was born, this changed. Serenita had been an _accident_i when Severus' drunk father had raped Eileen. Severus had sworn to protect this little girl who loved him back and had become a beacon in her life.

Eventually, Hermione drifted off into sleep. In her dreams, she saw the lonely boy, his image replaced by the lonely man, saw him stretching out his hand and saw herself rejecting him. When she woke up late the next morning, snippets of this dream still haunted her.

She had known how he had grown up, and she should have accepted him the way he was. She had failed him when he needed her understanding. Being soulmates did not mean to be alike; it meant being like two pieces of a puzzle, helping each other with their deficits and flaws. She remembered times in the lab with Severus, when his patience and calm gave her the strength to continue with an experiment she would have abandoned, times where she would have overlooked things.

Everything had gone wrong last night. Obviously, Severus had always expected this day to come and therefore had not tried to fight or to explain something. She had been too shocked to react. But now she knew. She had to go back, and she had to tell him.

Severus sat at the staff table in the Great Hall, sipping his steaming coffee for breakfast. A casual observer would not have noticed anything different about him. His face seemed to be expressionless, his lips were pressed together firmly. It was Saturday morning, and only a few students were already there. Usually, on Saturdays, Snape had breakfast in his quarters with Hermione. Severus had seen the astonished glance of Potter and had seen that Ron Weasley had pulled him aside, whispering something in his ear. He knew that tomorrow at the latest, everybody would know that they had broken off their relationship. Gossip travelled quickly.

He had decided that going through the motions was the best he could do now. Perhaps, living on with his usual routine would make him forget. For months, he had feared the day she would leave him. It had been inevitable. When he saw how she had dealt with her friends, her family and the society, he had hoped against all odds. She had accepted his solitary and brooding personality. But then he had seen her become silent and disappointed, realising that he would remain the same menacing and unfair kind of man he had always been. Severus had struggled for change and failed. But his crucial mistake had been his jealousy and his mean and unfair accusations. This was how he had ruined everything.

Severus rose. He had only drunk his coffee, not being able to eat anything. He would take his usual rounds in the corridors and then return to his chambers. And woe betide the student who would so much as think happy thoughts in his presence!

The shower had refreshed her, but Hermione's head was still throbbing with a terrible headache. She pulled on a pair of jeans and a shirt and fetched her cloak when she heard a knock on the door. Oh, she had no time for visitors now, she would tell them to come back another time; Hermione yanked the door open and looked at Harry, who entered without further greeting, closing the door behind him.

"You!" Hermione spat. "Oh, I can guess what you want. You've heard that I've split up with Severus and now you are coming to offer your i comfort /i again. But I remember the last time when you dropped me like a hot potato when you realised that Severus and I were an item. I also remember your remark about dogs and fleas. So put a sock in it and get lost, Harry! By the way, you are too late, I am on my way back to Severus."

"Good!"

"See yourself out and don't bother coming... Good?"

"Hermione," Harry said in a low voice, avoiding her gaze. "I have to tell you something very important." He paused, not sure how to continue.

"I am waiting, Harry," Hermione said, crossing her arms over her chest, neither her tone nor her gaze forgiving.

"You know that I have hated Snape all these years, but... Uhm, several weeks ago, I had an encounter with him that showed me that he is not evil. I..." Harry paused again, blushing, and obviously too embarrassed to continue.

"I don't understand. What do you want?" Hermione was confused.

"This morning, Ron told me that he saw you yesterday, coming from Snape's quarters, obviously on the verge of tears. When Snape was alone at breakfast, it seemed clear that you've split up. Ron also told me about your conversation at The Three Broomsticks. He assumed that Snape had finally driven you away with his cruelty and I... I knew that I had to tell you something. You know that Snape gave me detention for the rest of the year, and everybody wondered what I had done. Hermione, I attacked him. I attacked him with the Cruciatus Curse. He did not tell Dumbledore, did not get me expelled." Harry's raspy voice was almost inaudible, and his eyes were brimming with tears. "I don't know what happened between you, but I wanted you to know that he is not evil." Silence stretched between them; finally, Harry turned and headed towards the door when Hermione's voice stopped him.

"Harry, I am glad that you told me."

When Harry gazed into her face, he saw no accusation, only relief. With a last lopsided smile, he left.

She knew his passwords, and as she had assumed he had not even bothered to change them; she lifted the wards and entered. Severus' chambers were empty. Probably he was taking his rounds. Hermione looked around. His usually meticulous living-room was a mess. Books were scattered on the floor, some of them even face down. Two empty bottles of wine and firewhisky lay next to the couch, shards of glass next to the wall. Hermione blinked. What had she done to him! When she had left him, he had not said a word, had kept all his emotions inside, and afterwards all his desperation had broken loose. She sat down on a chair and waited.

When Severus returned to his chambers, he noticed the lifted wards at once. Noone besides himself, Dumbledore and Hermione knew his password. A hostile intruder would not have been this careless, but one could never be too wary. Severus drew his wand and entered cautiously.

Hermione rose when she saw him enter. Severus' gaze scrutinised her. Her hair was a mess, her eyes puffy and red. What did she want? His promise to change, his oath never to be jealous again, his apology? He knew it was futile.

Hermione drew near and looked up to him, hesitatingly laying a hand on his arm . She swallowed and gazed at Severus with pleading eyes. "Severus, I was wrong, please forgive me. I had no right to be disappointed in you. You have every right to be disappointed in _me_ . I expected you to change somehow, now that your role as a spy is over. I told you that I loved you, and then, when I had the chance to prove it, I failed you. I love you so much. Please forgive me..." Tears streamed down her cheeks.

Severus could not believe his ears. _She_ apologised to _him_ ? "Hermione!" he interrupted hoarsely. He touched her face tenderly, wiping her tears away and drew her in his arms. "I love you, Hermione. " Then he stepped back a little, still holding her hands. "There is something I want you to know. I have always thought that an apology is futile unless I am able not to repeat my mistake. I am sorry for what I said to you, more than I can ever tell. I wish I could take back these words; you deserved none of them. But not even now, I can promise you that I'll never be jealous again. From the first day of our relationship, I feared to lose you because of how I am. I tried to change, but..."

"You changed, Severus, more than you know. Harry told me..."

"Potter?" Surprise and hurt flickered across Severus' face. "This is why you came back?" he whispered.

"No, Severus, I was on my way to you when Harry knocked on my door and told me what he did to you. What Harry told me only confirmed my decision. The Severus of the past would gladly have Harry expelled. The Severus of the past would not have apologised, no matter what had happened.." She looked up at him, searching his face.

"You see how I am; I will always believe the worst and will always fail you," Severus murmured. He felt helpless. He so longed to be with Hermione forever, yet he was afraid to disappoint her again.

"I do not mistake you for a prince charming, but I believe in you, Severus, I believe in us; together we _will_ succeed. -- Severus, will you marry me?"

Severus was stunned and at a loss for words, but then his kiss gave her the answer she longed for.

Finally, they broke apart; determinedly, Hermione began to unbutton Severus' frockcoat.

"What are you doing?"

"Paying tribute to my hero, Severus." She smiled again, the smile he loved so much, like the cat who had got the cream pot.

The engagement was announced by Dumbledore in the Great Hall the following day. The party followed a few weeks later. Hermione's parents still did not fully approve of their daughter's choice -- a future husband who was nearly as old as the bride's father did not exactly fill them with joy.

Hermione's mother wondered what Hermione saw in him. Under no circumstances would she consider him handsome. This nose, well, and those teeth! Later on, she pulled Hermione aside. "Hermione, your young man, you should send him to our dental practice as soon as possible; I am positive that something can be done with his teeth. I don't want to think of what our customers would say if they saw our son-in-law like that."

Hermione's parents seemed to be a little consoled though when they saw her obvious happiness and the way her fiancé looked at her. Besides, Harry had spoken to them and apologised for the things he had said about Severus.

It could have been the happiest day in the life of Severus Snape, if not for an observation which rendered him nearly speechless. His sister, Serenita, and Charlie Weasley were gazing into each other's eyes in a way that made his blood run cold. How could he bear to be related by marriage to a Weasley? Before his inner eye, he saw seven redheaded brats calling him _Uncle Sevie . Oh, no!_

Neville followed Snape's flabbergasted gaze and grinned. _Oh, yes_!


End file.
